By Nicholas Tanek
I am a kinky person and I am proud of it. I’m so proud of it, I was a guest on an episode of the ProudToBeKinky podcast. I even wrote a book about the kink community titled Your Kinky Friends. Most of my family and my vanilla friends are shocked (or at least surprised) by the kinky experiences that I talk about. At the same time, these experiences have only scratched the surface of the kink community. Basically, I am a switch, but I do enjoy Femdom, forced crossdressing, and male chastity. Some women are freaked out by that. At the same time, I have met some women who are into some hardcore kink that scares me. Just when I think I’m kinky, cool, and in the scene, I talk to someone who makes me realize there is a whole world of kink out there I know nothing about.
So I asked my kinky friends two simple questions about both sides of the kink spectrum. Here are their answers.
baby j from Black People Kink Podcast
baby j is the co-host of Black People Kink podcast with her master, Dominus Blue. They are in a Master/slave TPE (Total Power Exchange) relationship.
Black People Kink (@blackpeoplekink)
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Tell us about a time when you were too kinky for the other person and what was their response?
I had a guy once abruptly stop having sex with me because I kept asking him to be rough with me. Eventually, he got scared and walked out.
What was the situation when someone was too kinky for you?
I had just really gotten into bondage and breath play. This guy said he wanted to use a belt around my neck to strangle me until the moment just before I would pass out. It kind of scared me at first. But then, it turned me on. Finally, I wasn’t comfortable enough with him to try it.
MushMush
MushMush is a wonderful young woman who likes to explore her kinky sexuality. One thing led to another and impact play became part of her repertoire. She likes giving and receiving pain. She is also our kinky friend who is essential to the development of this website.
Tell us about a time when you were too kinky for the other person and what was their response?
I’m considered too kinky by my very vanilla partner. He can handle some hair pulling and light choking. But anything beyond that is just not an option. His response is to let me play with others and it allows us to have our loving vanilla sex.
What was the situation when someone was too kinky for you?
I have been out-kinked by several people. I’m still new to my local community and I have encountered some pretty intense scenes. I dabble with some incest role play. I sometimes call my top “Daddy,” but one of my play partners was really pushing more for a DD/lg (Daddy Dom/little girl) relationship. He put a pacifier in my mouth and started talking about putting a diaper on me. That’s when I tapped out. I totally respect those kinks, but I realized very quickly that they’re beyond me.
Luna Darke
Luna Darke is an exquisite and beguiling sexual submissive. She is a delightful friend of mine who I have known for years.
Tell us about a time when you were too kinky for the other person and what was their response?
Looking back at this, the irony is that a great many men I’ve been with cannot meet my kink need. I am always in a state where I want to explore and expand on my experience. Sadly, many men look at me like this fragile little creature. They’re afraid they might break me or hurt me. As a proper submissive, it’s quite difficult because I want to scream, ‘Harder! Harder!’
What was the situation when someone was too kinky for you?
There was one Dom I played with. He was not necessarily too kinky. There were just things he was into that didn’t interest me, like watersports. Sorry, I refuse to pee on anyone. He was also into anal stretching. He was an ass man. He was all about it. This man LOVES my ass. He always wanted to stretch my ass so he could fist it. I always said no. My ass was not exclusively his. It would be unfair to my other lovers, who often enjoyed my tight little ass.
Young Scratch
YoungScratch is a switch who loves power exchange. Actually, he likes all types of BDSM. These days, he has become much more open to expressing himself in kink.
Tell us about a time when you were too kinky for the other person and what was their response?
I have had many encounters where I have been too kinky for someone. As a natural result of being open about my kinks, I have made many vanilla people uncomfortable. However, my favorite memory of being too kinky was when I was talking to my play partner. We were talking about kink and I brought up my plans to learn how to use a bull whip. She smiled, nodded, and started to make an affirmative “huh” sound. Halfway through, she realized the implications. Over the course of a fraction of a second, her smile turned to a look of horror. Her nodding turned to a shuddering, vigorous shake, and her “huh” became a scared “Ugh.” Unfortunately, she is not interested in feeling the business end of a bull whip. It was one of the funniest reactions I’ve ever gotten.
What was the situation when someone was too kinky for you?
As I’ve explored my kinks, I’d like to think that very little phases me. Even things that are too extreme for me to handle in person are still enjoyable in theory. However, there was one time when a kinky friend of mine shared something that took me off guard. This friend had a cannibal fetish. I was aware of this. One day, she pulled her shirt down to reveal a scar by her collar bone, informing me that this was where a former partner had cut off some of her flesh that he then consumed. My mind shorted out. All I could do was stare and imagine what that must have been like. Eventually, I was able to compose myself enough for a, “huh, cool.” Luckily, she didn’t seem to notice anything amiss. To this day, I am intensely curious but find myself completely unable to bring myself to ask about it.
Rachel
Rachel is a bisexual poly switch who is into various kinds of kink.
Tell us about a time when you were too kinky for the other person and what was their response?
My second husband was vanilla. I knew he was vanilla when he began showing interest in me. I was also his friend first. I was an out-of-the-bag, admittedly kinky person. We were together for five years. I was always pushing for more. That ended that. He said he was down, but some people will never find a comfort level in the lifestyle. I feel like you’re either born kinky, or maybe you’re not? On a more one-on-one play basis, especially with my last relationship, everyone has been from Fetlife.
What was the situation when someone was too kinky for you?
I don’t know if this classifies as too kinky, but I would say it would be having a play partner interested in things that are hard limits for me. Canes. I can’t. I won’t. Not ever. Not my kink. I’ve played with people who think they’re great. Yay for that guy! He was a FWB (Friends With Benefits) type deal and super bummed. He tried to talk me into it for a bit. I had to threaten to leave. I think maybe he didn’t realize that I was so serious because I’m pretty on board for everything else (or at least willing to try). All I know is there’s no such thing as too much communication or negotiation.
And now for my answers….
Nicholas Tanek
Tell us about a time when you were too kinky for the other person and what was their response?
Lynn, my fiancée who died in 2012, and I were very kinky. (I wrote a book about her called The Coolest Way To Kill Yourself.) After her death, I met this woman, Anahita. She was a beautiful, successful Iranian woman who had a penthouse apartment in Manhattan. Now, I don’t lie, so when asked about past relationships, I told the truth about Lynn. I told her we were both switches, but there were times that we explored Femdom, forced crossdressing, and male chastity. Anahita was vanilla – she thought it was kinky when I went down on her on her kitchen floor. Eventually, she decided that I was too kinky for her. My honesty about my kinky past turned her off. That kind of hurt, but I respect that. I do not want to force my kinks on anyone.
What was the situation when someone was too kinky for you?
After Lynn died, I felt lost. I was terrified that I would never feel a connection with another kinky person, so I started going to munches. I must admit that I had a wonderful and interesting time. I met this one woman. She was into Femdom and we got along great. About ten minutes into the conversation, she said, “You’re not ready.” Then, she told me that she wanted to keep a man in permanent chastity and eventually chemically castrate him. She wanted a sissy gurl who wore women’s clothes every single day. She wanted to pimp him out to suck cock for money. He would also be her human toilet. Every single day, she would piss and shit in his mouth.
Hmm… I love Femdom, but I decided that was not for me.
So what have we learned from all this?
Kinky people are complicated. Your kink may not be my kink… and that’s okay. Kink is like this weird balance beam we all walk. Everyone has their thing. My friend Dick Wound (from Off The Cuffs: A Kink & BDSM Podcast) has a death fetish. He gets hard when women threaten to murder him, but his “hard limit” is hugging when being greeted by people. We are all sexual beings trying to figure this life out. We should not be shamed by our experience or lack of experience. At the same time, kinky people have to remember that vanilla people are sometimes blown away by our fetishes and turn-ons. Basically, as we navigate through life, we are going to encounter people who are into weird stuff. Personally, I look at it with a sense of wonder and joy. To me, sexual expression is a beautiful thing. I learned that there will always be someone judging you and that there will always be someone kinkier than you. That may scare some people. I think it’s great that there will always be someone out there who will be way too kinky, even for even me.
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