by Nicholas Tanek

Heroes save lives and the kink community saved mine. My life was a mess. I met some wonderful people who have been kind and helpful throughout my journey within the kink community. This is only part one in a series about people who I truly think are heroes in the kink community.

So, I talked to some of my kinky heroes and asked them questions about giving back to the community. Here are their answers.


 Kevin Alison from RISK!

Kevin Allison has become a legend in the kink community, the comedy scene, and the podcast community. Originally, he was a member of MTV’s revolutionary sketch comedy show, The State. Since then, he started the very popular Risk! podcast, which is a (sometimes live) show where real people tell true stories they would never usually tell.

RISK!: http://risk-show.com

BUY the RISK! Book http://risk-show.com/book/


What are you most proud of about your involvement in the kink community?

Helping people share their stories on RISK! It’s extremely cathartic and illuminating for listeners to realize, “Oh wow! I thought I was the only person who felt that way,” or, “Whoa, I used to think that fetish was distasteful, but now I get how a person could relate to it.” For example, we’re featuring a story about scat play on the next episode. I suspect we’ll hear from listeners who were surprised to find themselves empathizing with or “getting” the storyteller in ways they might not have expected.

Who are some of your heroes in the kink community and how have they helped you?

There’s so many. Dixie De La Tour has the awesome show Bawdy Storytelling which predates RISK! for tackling these kinds of stories. Mollena Williams is great every time she shares about her experiences as a black woman in a mostly white scene. Dan Savage has taught so many people to open their minds about kink and non-monogamy.

What are some things that other kinky people can do to help the BDSM/kink community?

Try to get offline and in-person. Arrange socials (where actual play is not happening) or parties (where actual play is happening). Attend kinky events. Don’t be shy.


Dominus Blue and baby j of Black People Kink Podcast

Dominus Blue and baby j are the hosts of Black People Kink (BPK) Podcast. They are in a Master/slave TPE (Total Power Exchange) relationship. BlackPeopleKink (BPK) is dedicated to exploring, celebrating, embracing, and encouraging the free expression of sexuality for all, and creating a welcoming place for people of color in the world of BDSM/kink lifestyle.

Black People Kink (@blackpeoplekink)

Listen via GooglePlay tinyurl.com/khmczrb

iTunes tinyurl.com/mo2m2rs

Stitcher tinyurl.com/ma877gp

Tunein tinyurl.com/ktzozb7                         

What are you most proud of about your involvement in the kink community?

 Our kinky fans. We love them! Daily, they have shared their stories with us and told us how much they appreciate what we do. We feel honored that they get so much from listening to us blab about our relationship and kinky adventures. Through our podcast, Black People Kink, we have had the pleasure of getting to know many kink community members and we are proud to have been able to provide a safe space for them.

Who are some of your heroes in the kink community and how have they helped you?

For us, anyone who has taken a conspicuous stand against racism and discrimination (in any form) within the kink community and everywhere…IS A HERO. For some, it’s easier to look the other way. For others, it is not. Thank you to our podcast guests and listeners that have explicitly expressed not only their disdain for these issues but specific tangible actions they have taken to abate fear, ignorance, and weakness that still exist in the kink community and around the world. You know who you are.

What are some things that other kinky people can do to help the BDSM/kink community?

 Never be satisfied that you’ve done enough.



Mistress Leigh

Mistress Leigh has been a lifestyle Dominant Dictator for 19 years. She has been a full-time professional DominARTrix since 2011. She has been the co-facilitator of Dominant Women/submissive men’s group for The Eulenspiegel Society (tes.org). She has been a part of Alternative Sexuality Advisor for SOAR Institute (advocacy/policy non-profit for sex workers & survivors of trafficking). She is a Kink educator (DomconNOLA, DomconLA, TesFest, XpressionsDungeon). Mistress Leigh has been a fetish consultant for FOX’s THE FOLLOWING and worked on the set for SHOWTIME’S BILLIONS (Paul Giamotti likes to watch her sleep). As a BDSM mentor, she has had the honor of coaching singles, couples, and teaching professional Dominatrices.


Twitter: @Ms_tress_Leigh or https://twitter.com/Ms_tress_Leigh

Instagram: dominartrix

Fetlife: Ms_tress_Leigh

What are you most proud of about your involvement in the kink community?

 I am most proud of the kink community’s commitment to keeping the actual communities going, be they large or small. Kinky people will always find a way to organize, find spaces, to make kinky commerce, to push through and fight for our rights of sexual and expression-based freedom.

Who are some of your heroes in the kink community and how have they helped you?

Midori and Mistress Matisse are two of my heroines. They are constant examples of passion, integrity, intelligence, and intersectional activism in an often-polarizing world. I value their fierce courage pioneering through innovation and kinky creativity.

What are some things that other kinky people can do to help the BDSM/kink community?

I believe we kinky people can help the BDSM/kink community by remembering the golden rule. As we navigate the often-murky waters of our egos (which we all need at times), I think we would do well to remember that egos are optimal when they work for us instead of against us. Respect is powerful.

EDITOR’S NOTE: There will not be a “Now for my answers” section to this article.

Usually, I answer the same questions I ask, but I am not doing that for this article. I do not consider myself a hero of the kink community. I consider myself to be someone who supports the BDSM/kink community and someone who strives to be like the influential and positive people who are in this article.


So, what have we learned from all of this?

Kinky people need to stick together and help each other out. My kinky friends saved my life. The love of my life died in 2012. Lynn and I shared a wonderful and honest real life BDSM relationship. I never thought that I would ever find someone kinky like her again. I was devastated. I wrote two books about her and the kink community. The first was a tribute to Lynn, called The Coolest Way to Kill Yourself. The book explored the beginning of honest sexual expression. The second book is Your Kinky Friends and it is a tribute to the wonderful, loving, and often weird people of the kink community. As I was dealing with addiction and grief, the kink community saved me. People like Kevin Alison, Mistress Leigh, Dominus Blue, and baby j educate people both in the kink community and about the kink community. They have given me and many others the courage to sexually express ourselves. These are just some of the many people who are the backbone of the kink community. Their legacy (and their friendship) mean the world to me. Now, because I sexually express myself in an honest way, I am a better person for it. I am happier, safer, healthier, and kinkier. Plus, I get to help others.

So, my friends, if you are kinky, let’s help each other out. Let’s try to be like the heroes who have saved us.

Join the Your Kinky Friends chat on Discord: https://discord.gg/uUwzVVa

Follow Nicholas Tanek on Twitter: https://twitter.com/NicholasTanek

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Your Kinky Friends: https://www.amazon.com/Your-Kinky-Friends-Nicholas-Tanek-ebook/dp/B06XRYCH7N/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1507339445&sr=8-1&keywords=Your+kinky+Friends



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