It is not uncommon for people coming into BDSM to use caricatures as a model on how to act until they figure themselves out. These caricatures are sometimes based on our limited books/movies and extensive porn. Other times they are based on a preconceived notion of how someone with “that identity” would act. In the beginning of finding your identity having a caricature can be empowering. It can give you an idea into who you want to be. I remember my caricature as a new Dominant. The caricature I assumed was quiet, calm, and hyper vigilant. It took so much energy that I couldn’t sustain it outside of the public BDSM space, but that is when I felt I needed it.
As I have watched people over the years I see the same caricature being played out over and over. Overly stuffy, overly stoic, emotionally unavailable, and no sense of humor… For most, over time, they drop the caricature and start being themselves. Goofy, funny, nerdy, extrovert. When people don’t drop the caricature to find themselves, then tend to do three things:
One: Pressure others to be a caricature
Two: Judge others based on that very limited ideal
Three: Drop the identity of Master completely for one that more easily fits who they are.
The point here is that instead of being the kind of Master that they want to be, they stop identifying as a Master because of how they feel they have to be.
Dropping a caricature means taking a big risk. You risk being labeled a faker, wanna be, poser, or whatever else other people are comfortable with you being.
Make no mistake that risk of dropping your caricature is worth everything. Being who you are in your Mastery is nothing but joyful and fulfilling.
I have gotten called a lot of things over the years. Daddy, Top, not a Master, blah blah blah. What I have found is that what others call me has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with what they need me to be.
I laugh, I fart, I have limited stoicism, and I make mmm mmm noises over really good food. I watch my love with deep love, devotion, and lust. If these things take me out of the running to be called a Master by someone else definition, that’s fine. I am not giving up who I am or what I enjoy just to act in a way that satisfies their ideal.
Leather Bear Tails:
When I teach a “finding your inner Dominant class” I use caricatures to help people access their inner Dominant energy. I ask them to think about someone in their life who exuded power, oozed confidence, and took easy control over the experiences in their lives. This can be a real or fictional person. Then I ask them to stand like that person, breath like them, assess the room like them. How does that person “deal” with others? The reason I do that is to give the people an emotional jumping off point.
Most Mastery is just confidence, even arrogance. If I can get them to access that side of them, then the rest is easy. Add balance and throw in the self. I always say- this is where you are starting with me today, but it is not where you will end up. Your Mastery is your journey.
Video interview with Master Bear and slave eve
Master Bears works:
M/s for the rest of Us:
http://www.lulu.com/us/en/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22991847.html
Through the Bad Patch:
http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/through-the-bad-patch/paperback/product-23380662.html
Nurse V Nurse:
http://www.lulu.com/shop/a-dhaie/nurse-v-nurse/paperback/product-22991855.html
Master Bear on Fetlife is: Master_ _ Bear
Slave eve’s site:
https://laughinggoddessapothecary.com/