Doing service in public is a completely different animal than serving in private. The noise, distractions, and challenges of a public event make being a conscientious servant very different than serving in a private venue. I encourage people to practice public service at a BDSM event to gain confidence and poise. This different type of experience allows you to troubleshoot elements to work on to strengthen your bond.
I have the most adorable Mx. She is new to doing public service for me. At BDSM parties I have her practice her service techniques. It took a while for her to develop her skills and for me to be eloquent enough to define what I wanted. This is because My love has been serving me for years and she knows my needs because we have a strong relationship. I haven’t had to verbalize what I wanted in forever.
When I started working with Mx. I found that I was lacking in direction when it came to public events. I looked at how I was communicating with her to achieve the desired behaviors needed to satisfy me. I discovered that if I wrote down how I saw her service in my head, I could better clarify what I wanted for the event.
- I will approve her outfit before the party.
- I will provide her with a start and end time for the event.
- Service at home events means that she will move around the crowd offering drinks and food. (I will provide her a platter to carry items. It’s not expensive and it’s something that she uses to go from person to person. This makes service easier for her.)
- I want her cool, calm, and collected with her focused on putting people at ease.
- I want her curtsying before my requests and as she is dismissed.
- Listen carefully to each request and fulfill one request at a time.
- She needs to be graceful and quick.
- I want to see her relax and enjoy our party.
I would send her a list before each party for her to review and study. We are still working on her overall service, but the list helps her focus on specific skills. The conversations we have about developing her service help our dynamic to grow.
I have found that public training can be intimidating for some people. It’s hard to make mistakes in public because it may feel as though other people are passing judgment on performance. There is value in other people seeing an unpolished skill develop. It makes service for others much more relatable and attainable.
When Mx. and I first started training, I allowed things to happen organically. I asked for some things at an event and then sat back to watch her work. I did this for two reasons. I wanted to see what she would do naturally, and I wanted to build on her existing skills.
I found that Mx. was innately eager, graceful, willing, and wanting. I also found that she didn’t know to come to me for the end time soshe would dress down before I released her. This was an easy fix. However, I noticed that she becomes flustered in large groups. This was a larger area for growth. I’m working on teaching her to approach one person at a time and then fulfill one request at a time. She is then able to move on to the next person.
Our dynamic in public is still a work in progress, and we are still learning each other. Learning a new skill takes time and the time doesn’t bother me. We don’t practice this skill every day, and I am long-term goal oriented.
I will also add things to her practice as we go along. For example, I would love her see her taking coats and greeting guests, providing service for an entire party and learning signal cues for more specific ways to serve.
I love watching her develop these new skills. She is growing—and so am I.
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