Doing service in public is a completely different animal than serving in private. The noise, distractions, and challenges of a public event make being a conscientious servant very different than serving in a private venue. I encourage people to practice public service at a BDSM event to gain confidence and poise. This different type of experience allows you to troubleshoot elements to work on to strengthen your bond.
It is not uncommon for people coming into BDSM to use caricatures as a model on how to act until they figure themselves out. These caricatures are sometimes based on our limited books/movies and extensive porn. Other times they are based on a preconceived notion of how someone with “that identity” would act. In the beginning of finding your identity having a caricature can be empowering. It can give you an idea into who you want to be. I remember my caricature as a new Dominant. The caricature I assumed was quiet, calm, and hyper vigilant. It took so much energy that I couldn’t sustain it outside of the public BDSM space, but that is when I felt I needed it.
Punishment part two of two
by Master Bear
I am against corporal punishment, but there are more than personal reasons why. More often than not, I have seen abuse and resentment be the byproducts of corporal punishment. I have three examples to share.
Shopping for BDSM goodies with someone you love is an adventure. Many BDSM stores online offer mass produced products, but if you are looking for something extra special, Etsy has great finds that are exceptionally well made and unique.
Living M/s 24/7 by Master Bear
The Rule of Three: Part Two
Starting with the Rule of Three is an easy way to begin putting your household together as a Master. However, it is only the beginning. Each component that you pick for your “Rule of Three” has four pieces to it that fine-tune what it is that you are looking for.
I know that this is a lot of thinking, processing, talking, and experimenting. It is NOT at ALL like the porn or the hot books that you have read. However, what this does is set both you and your slave up for long-term success. Anything can be done for a short period when you are both hot and bothered. However, what is attainable for the next 7 months? Next eight years? How you emotionally communicate will determine how successful your relationship is. In addition, these four legs of each requirement will help you have those conversations about expectations, wants, and needs.
Luna Darke is a submissive who has been a good friend of mine for years. She is featured in the book, Your Kinky Friends and also has done several podcasts with me. She loves astrology and is a delightful person.
My dear Kinky Friend, Moonflower, recommend that I read Mating in Captivity by Ester Perel. I recently finished it, and the book was as a great reminder that intimacy does not necessarily equate to a fantastic sex life. Sex in a long term relationship is not a given, and the author details how love and desire can impact bedroom excitement. Desire is that thrumming in your giggle-bits when you are sitting in traffic and your lover comes to mind. Desire burns hot at the beginning of a relationship and draws people together. Love is a little different. It’s a constant comfort and easily taken for granted. It’s the sure thing that will not waver through stomach bugs and mortgages. Love is grand, but it can dull desire with the monotony of comfort and security. Perel explores finding balance between love and desire through case studies and thought provoking insight. The book great for those of us who need to keep passion flowing in a long term relationship.