It is not uncommon for people coming into BDSM to use caricatures as a model on how to act until they figure themselves out. These caricatures are sometimes based on our limited books/movies and extensive porn. Other times they are based on a preconceived notion of how someone with “that identity” would act. In the beginning of finding your identity having a caricature can be empowering. It can give you an idea into who you want to be. I remember my caricature as a new Dominant. The caricature I assumed was quiet, calm, and hyper vigilant. It took so much energy that I couldn’t sustain it outside of the public BDSM space, but that is when I felt I needed it.
Being submissive is an art form that is cultivated and enhanced through practice and patience. Submissive kinksters offer a specific kind of trust that is not easy to find and may be abused by their dominant counterparts. The openness of a submissive can be interpreted as weakness, but in fact, the ability to submit requires great strength. There are submissive friends who live the lifestyle 24/7 and there are the ones who submit just in the bedroom. Either way, submissives are a valuable part of the BDSM community. I gathered some of my favorite submissive friends, and I asked them several questions.
Slave Heather is in a D/s relationship and considers herself her Master’s slave (Master David). She is also in a leather family.
Nicholas Tanek sits down and has a video chat with her.
We usually break down making something cool or creating a kinky scene for less than ten bucks on Thrifty Kink Thursday. However, I thought it could be fun to explore the dynamics of relationships this week. Using BDSM as bedroom sprinkles is FREE! That’s right! You DON’T have to spend money to be freaky with another person. (Unless you are a filthy pay pig.)
The Rule of Three – Part One
The biggest mistake that I see most new Masters make is having an extensive list of things that they want their slave to do. New Masters often times put unnecessary pressure on themselves by expecting everything all at once. Having a huge list in the beginning creates a couple of different issues.
First off, understand that if you as a Master cannot remember all of the things that you are requesting of your slave then why should your slave remember? Secondly, this creates an unrealistic expectation on both you as well as your slave as to what can be realistically achieved in the early days of your dynamic. Slaves want to excel, they want to give, and they want to be the best they can for the Masters that they love. So set them and you up for success.
Luna Darke is a submissive who has been a good friend of mine for years. She is featured in the book, Your Kinky Friends and also has done several podcasts with me. She loves astrology and is a delightful person.