Since starting YourKinkyFriends.com, I have been honored to meet so many wonderful kinky people. They inspired the “Heroes of the Kink Community” series. Now, I respect, support, and love all the people in the past articles. I am truly in awe of these titans of kink who got involved with these articles.
So, my kinky friends, here are some more heroes of the kink community.
Susan Wright
(from National Coalition For Sexual Freedom)
Susan Wright founded the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom in 1997, and currently serves as Spokesperson and Director of Incident Reporting & Response. Susan has presented over a hundred seminars for professional organizations, universities and community groups on discrimination against consenting adults, consent, and sex & the media. She chaired the successful DSM-5 Revision Project which resulted in unusual sexual practices between consenting adults being separated from Paraphilic Disorders. Susan has also conducted several surveys documenting discrimination and violence against BDSM practitioners as well as consent practices and attitudes. Her research has been published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, Journal of Sexual Medicine, Journal of Behavioral Health Services & Research, International Journal of Social Psychiatry, and Journal of Homosexuality.
@NCSF on twitter
What are you most proud of about your involvement in the kink community?
I’m most proud of starting NCSF. Our coalition has done a lot of work over the past two decades and changed public policy, like the APA’s DSM-5, so kinky people are no longer considered to be mentally ill. NCSF helps almost 200 people, groups, and businesses a year. Everyone we help is someone that helps make our communities stronger.
Who are some of your heroes in the kink community and how have they helped you?
Race Bannon is my hero. He started the original DSM Revision Project as well as the Kink Aware Professionals referral database that NCSF now runs. I also admire Bruce Marcus and Barry Douglas, my early activist mentors, who welcomed me into Gay Male S/M Activists as an honorary member and encouraged my activist efforts with the NYC Anti-Violence Project and National Organization for Women.
What are some things that other kinky people can do to help the BDSM/kink community?
Support your local groups by volunteering and becoming a member. Support NCSF by volunteering and becoming a member. Ask your group to do a fundraiser for NCSF so we can continue to fight for our rights. NCSF is an all-volunteer grassroots organization so every dime goes to our advocacy. In the past two years, six kink and nonmonogamy events have been attacked by religious political extremists, with almost all being canceled because of their lies. We all need to support our community organizations, or we won’t have a community anymore.
Video interview with Susan Wright:
VIDEO CHAT: Susan Wright (National Coalition For Sexual Freedom) w/ Nicholas Tanek
Sera Miles
Sera Miles is the CEO/Owner of Peplove.com, a luxury all-female owned and operated kinky phone sex and consultation line. She is also an activist for the sex workers’ rights. She is a legend in the kink community. She is also extremely cool, intelligent, funny, and friendly.
Twitter: https://twitter.com/peplovephonesex
Sera Miles on Twitter: https://twitter.com/seramiles
What are you most proud of about your involvement in the kink community?
I’m proud of the instrumental role I played in bringing the Carter/Johnson Leather Library to New Mexico in 2011 and again in 2012. I helped get the Library to San Francisco, making it more accessible to everyone nation-wide. If you’re reading this and unfamiliar with the Library, please visit http://www.leatherlibrary.org/
I’m proud to note that events I’ve produced, from classes to mid-size conferences, often provide platforms to folks from marginalized communities.
I am most proud that my work has inspired other people to get involved in activism and education. The work doesn’t start or end with me. It’s about each of us inspiring each other to learn more and do better by each other.
Who are some of your heroes in the kink community and how have they helped you?
Vi Johnson and Max Rulz. In 2010, Max and I knew each other thru PEP, the phone sex company I now own. She watched the work I did with my non-profit organization, New Mexico FetLifers. In early 2011, she approached me about bringing the Leather Library to Albuquerque. Max believed in me, and thus Vi did as well. To date, I could not do justice in detailing what they have taught me—about grace, activism, relationships. They also taught me the need to leave evidence, for the next generations, of how we lived, loved, mourned, and changed.
Guy Baldwin. In 2010, I attended Leather Leadership Conference (LLC) in Los Angeles, where Guy gave a now infamous keynote speech. He then did a follow up Q&A. Among Guy’s points that ruffled vests and boots was that leather and leadership education was not accessible to folks because of class barriers (and those class barriers are also racial and gender barriers, and barriers of ableism). Guy passionately advocated for filming the event’s (and other events’) classes, so that the information would be accessible to people who could not afford the $99 event ticket to LLC, let alone the hotel, food, and travel costs. Someone asked Guy, “But what about people who don’t want to risk being filmed?” Guy responded, “They can wear monster make-up. They can sit in the back row. Next question.” That moment changed the trajectory of my activism.
In 2012, I live-streamed via leatherati.com a conversation with Guy Baldwin and Vi Johnson at EvoRevo3, an event I produced.
What are some things that other kinky people can do to help the BDSM/kink community?
The most critical action we can all take, within any subculture, is to become more educated about oppression and intersectionality, so that we can tear down the oppressive structures that keep people in constant danger. How do we dismantle these structures? First, we learn more. Then, we speak up. We say something. We don’t let abusive behavior continue unchecked. We call it out. We say, “That’s not acceptable here.” We emphasize, “No touching without consent.” We prioritize the needs of the most disenfranchised.
If you can be out, be out. Be out and proud. Be visible to folks who cannot take that risk… yet. Work toward a world in which people do not grow up mired in shame. Self-hate can make people act out via self-harm and external destructive behavior. Refuse. Refuse to participate in shaming people whose sexual needs and/or identities differ from yours.
Video interview with Sera Miles from Peplove.com
VIDEO CHAT: Sera Miles (CEO/Owner of Peplove) w/ Nicholas Tanek
Master Bear
“I have been in a 24/7 M/s relationship with my slave for 17 years. I was RGL 2008. I founded and ran AEL Kinkskills for 4 years. I founded and ran Albuquerque Masters Group for a year. I ran the education at the wet munch for a year. Also, I have been an active speaker and teacher for 14 years in the ALB community. At our home, we have fundraiser/play party events with classes. I was head judge for Leather Corazon for 2 years. I wrote three books including M/s for the Rest of Us. I have been awarded the Albuquerque leather Honor patch and am in Mamas House. I was in The Advocate in 05/2018 when they featured pictures by Camilla.
Currently, I am the host house for ASHER- the ALB animal group. I throw monthly play parties with classes/Kinky Tapas (tastings) that are also fundraisers for local people in need. I moderate the Albuquerque Snowflakes group on Fetlife.”
-Master Bear
M/s for the Rest of Us by K. E. “Master Bear” Enzweiler : https://www.amazon.com/Rest-Us-Master-Bear-Enzweiler-ebook/dp/B01N9LHMEC/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1527207204&sr=1-1&keywords=m%2Fs+for+the+rest+of+us
http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22991847.html
What are you most proud of about your involvement in the kink community?
What makes me the proudest is that myself and My love are transitory. We grow and change with what we see and experience around us. We actively encourage others to take up the mantle at any point where they feel they can. We seek out new leaders and teachers. We encourage others to see in themselves what we see they can be. I want the next era of BDSM to be better, smarter, stronger than the one I grew up in. And that means encouraging them to be better, smarter, and stronger than me.
Who are some of your heroes in the kink community and how have they helped you?
First is my wife and slave, eve, whom I call “My love.” My love keeps me honest. She keeps me wanting to be a better person and a better Master. My love reminds me to fight for insight and to not just accept things as they are. Secondly, my heroes are every person who I have ever had a conversation with that stopped me in my tracks, challenged me to be a better leader, a better person, and a more accountable voice. Sometimes, these conversations were long over coffee. Other times they were words in passing that struck deep. Those heroes made me look inside myself for what my truth was and what I needed to do to walk that truth. They are too many to name but not one will be forgotten.
What are some things that other kinky people can do to help the BDSM/kink community?
As a community, we are evolving. We need to be ready to field the next evolution of questions about how to keep our people safe. It used to be that no one was out. Getting into a party meant that you had to know someone well enough that they would vouch for you. Being further welcomed into the community was directly related to your ability to stay quiet and keep secrets. That is no longer the case. We are, for the first time, a community that can speak out and share what is happening to us. That includes the good, the bad, and the ugly. As people who are looking to help the BDSM community grow, we need to be able to have conversations that reflect the power of voices.
slave eve
“I have been in a 24/7 M/s relationship with My Master for 17 years. I trained for three. Then, I earned my locked collar. Currently we are the host house for the ASHER animal group in Albuquerque. We throw monthly fundraisers/play parties/classes/Kinky Tapas for local people in need. I have taught slave classes and finding your inner submissive classes. I am the owner/founder of http://laughinggoddessapothecary.com/. I have served on multiple boards over the years including the Florida LGBT Community Center, RGL, KIS, and NMLL. I was awarded into Mamas family.”
– slave eve
What are you most proud of about your involvement in the kink community?
I love giving support to people when they are seeking to find their identity. I love validating people, affirming them, and sitting back and watching the difference that affirmation makes to them. Watching how they grow into themselves and their identity and seeing where that takes them. It is amazing to me how the words, “You have a right to those feelings,” seem to profoundly affect those that are searching.
Who are some of your heroes in the kink community and how have they helped you?
My wife and Master, first. My Master provides the strongest example of selfless community service that I have ever seen. She is constantly pushing for marginalized members of our community to truly find their voice. Vi Johnson, because it was the first time in my leather journey that I had seen and read the words of a powerful woman of color who was unapologetic in her slave identity.
What are some things that other kinky people can do to help the BDSM/kink community?
Stop focusing on finding predators and focus on providing a safe space for the victims and survivors. Our community gets caught up in the idea that predators remain static in their methods, so by the time we figure out what we think is the latest method of predatory practice, they have moved on to a whole new set of practices. While we are obsessing about how to identify predators, the victims and survivors get left behind. We need to shift our focus on providing a safe space and reinforcing the idea that victims and survivors are safe to come back into the community.
So…
What have we learned from all of this?
These are heroes who care for the BDSM/kink community. They are activists. They are educators. They have given excellent advice. But it’s the fact that they care that makes all the difference. They are not just in the community for a fetishistic sexual thrill. They are giving back and helping people. They are selfless, and we should all learn from them.
When Lynn died, the kink community saved me. YourKinkyFriends.com was created not only to have some fun and talk with people, but to give back to the kink community that saved us. The people involved in this article are an extension of that sentiment. Support their work. Support them. That is one of the few ways YOU can help. Listen to their advice. As an author and a kinkster, I have learned from them and I am a better person because of them. As a community, we are better for having these heroes.
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