Sex and PCOS

by Forneycation

I am a cyster. I am a part of the one in ten women who is affected by a hormonal imbalance known as PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome). I’m here to tell a little bit of my story, educate, and give support to anyone dealing with this.

What is PCOS? It’s rather confusing as everyone who has it suffers differently. Despite the name referencing have many cysts on your ovaries, many women (including myself) have no proof that they have cysts on any reproductive organ at all.

I’ve always called PCOS “The Ugly Disease.”   This health problem causes so many of us to endure such pain inside and out. It has been known to take away one’s emotional stability, fertility, pleasure during sex, and vanity. I’ve been a member of a couple of groups on Facebook for this exact reason and cried with others who are desperate to lose weight, keep from going bald, stop facial and body hair from growing back, and get pregnant (the most popular desire).

Needless to say, sex and PCOS often go together like peanut butter and brussels sprouts. I want to say I’ve experienced it all, but I haven’t. Every woman’s experience is different and this condition doesn’t just magically go away when you lose weight or have a baby. The hair doesn’t go away, the various skin conditions don’t go away, and you may gain other more serious health problems because of the PCOS. Its easy for past trauma and insecurities to take their toll on your sex life.

It can be very difficult to feel ok about yourself, your body, and how that plays into your sexual identity. I still struggle with this to this day. I often can’t imagine why anyone would want me. I throw compliments back at people who give them to me. The best advice I can give as someone who isn’t a guru or a professional anything is: be nicer to yourself, when you can. We hear it all the time from doctors and family members that we should be on a strict diet, exercise, and take all our pills no matter how many there are or how they make us feel. I don’t necessarily disagree with this, but there is more to self care than that. Indulge yourself and your sexuality. Fuck everyone else if they don’t like it! Date yourself first.

PCOS comes with a bit of pain; sometimes a lot of pain which can really put a kink (not the good kind) in your sex life. Make sure your doctor is aware of this and be brutally honest about where the pain is, what kind of pain, and if it is triggered by anything such as sex or your period. There may be treatment to help with your symptoms. For myself, I commonly get pain that feels like it spans from my cervix all the way to my ovaries when I’m engaging in some sort of vaginal penetration around the time of my period and sometimes in the middle of the month when I may be ovulating. Sometimes I can relish in the pain, almost feeling more feminine from it. Other times, it is too much and I just have to wait it out.

Being with a partner definitely has its challenges. I always recommend talking before jumping into anything. Make them aware of what you’re dealing with, what they can do to help, what precautions you’ll be taking, and what fun will be in store for both of you. It may seem like the thing to do is to paint yourself in a certain light to make yourself more appealing, but you don’t want to give yourself impossible standards. There is also a delicate balance between sticking to your guns while being open minded.

Get social! The best friends I have ever had are the ones I share my weirdness with whether it be kink or the awkward positions PCOS puts me in. I recommend joining groups, even if you have real life cyster friends. There are others out there going through the same shit you are. Some have it worse. Some have advice to share. All have support to give and need so much support in return.

Living with this condition isn’t easy. Writing an article about it isn’t easy. I’m not a guru. I’m just someone who is living with it and has faced a few obstacles in life because of it. I’ve felt shame. I’ve felt fear. I still struggle and have my bad days, but surrounding myself with the ones who love and accept me most helps. I want to do the same for others. Stay strong.