Being submissive is an art form that is cultivated and enhanced through practice and patience. Submissive kinksters offer a specific kind of trust that is not easy to find and may be abused by their dominant counterparts. The openness of a submissive can be interpreted as weakness, but in fact, the ability to submit requires great strength. There are submissive friends who live the lifestyle 24/7 and there are the ones who submit just in the bedroom. Either way, submissives are a valuable part of the BDSM community. I gathered some of my favorite submissive friends, and I asked them several questions.

 

 Luna Darke

Luna Darke is a submissive who has been a good friend of mine for years. She is featured in the book, Your Kinky Friends and also has done several podcasts with me. She loves astrology and is a delightful person.

When and how did you realize that you were a submissive?

I’ve always been submissive by nature but being active in the lifestyle, I’ve learned to wield control. In the past, I’ve allowed others to take advantage of me, but my submissive nature now empowers me. I set the limits and then relinquish myself to him.

What is it about being a submissive that you love?

I absolutely love giving up that control, whether it is impact play, bondage, or just shenanigans. It is, for me, the loveliest feeling to know I am his, at his mercy. It’s a higher level of intimacy.

As a submissive, what advice would you give to a submissive who is looking for Dom?

A wise young man once said to me, “There’s a difference between a Dom and a bully. Learn to know the difference.” There are men out there that enjoy hurting women; physically, mentally, and emotionally. Screen men carefully.

In one paragraph, create your perfect Dom/Domme submissive scene.

It would begin with foreplay, impact play: flogger, crop, paddle. Next, he would retrain me, stretch my holes and tease me with toys, to ensure I’m properly wet for his enjoyment. This would be leaving me in this state, returning occasionally to kick up the speed. Maybe, a little more impact play. He would then use me, my body, my holes, all for his pleasure, whatever he desires. And if I truly please him, then maybe he will blindfold, gag me, and invite a friend or two to use me as well.

VIDEO CHAT: Luna Darke (submissive) talks with Nicholas Tanek

SassyWitch 666

Sassywitch666 is a wife in a D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationship with her husband. Although they have been married twenty years, they only got into kink several years ago.

When and how did you realize that you were a submissive?

I was around 19. My best friend and I were also FWB (Friends with benefits). We were fooling around one night and he ordered me to do what he wanted, and I realized it really excited me. At the time I didn’t know much about BDSM or kink, but I knew I was enjoying the dynamic we had going.

What is it about being a submissive that you love?

I like being able to give up control. In my everyday vanilla life, I’m very much a dominant personality. I am the one who is in charge of taking care of a lot of things. It’s a welcome relief to be able to let go of control and not have to worry about what comes next.

As a submissive, what advice would you give to a submissive who is looking for Dom/Domme?

First thing you should do is figure out what you need and want out of a relationship for yourself. Don’t just jump into anything. Know your likes, your limits and what you are and aren’t willing to compromise on. Then, stick with them. Also, do NOT rush or be rushed into anything. BDSM/Kink relationships are no different than vanilla relationships. You must have compatibility, trust, honesty, and COMMUNICATION for things to work. Take your time. I can’t say that enough.

In one paragraph, create your perfect Dom/Domme submissive scene.

For me, the perfect scene changes depending on my mood, although it does have some basic things that are present each time. I like the idea of Daddy taking me to a secret underground location where I’m blindfolded and chained to a rack with my legs spread wide. I have no idea how many people there are or what’s going to happen. All I know is I’m to be a good girl and follow instructions and not say a word unless I’m told to speak. I’ve always loved the not knowing element; it heightens the intensity like nothing else can for me. I think it’s the whole CNC aspect of it that gets me going.

And now for my answers…

  Nicholas Tanek

 

When and how did you realize that you were a submissive?

I am a switch, but most of my young life, women wanted me to be dominant. I enjoyed being dominant, but I always yearned to experience Femdom as a submissive male. My interest was fueled by anything that dealt with Femdom or a Dominatrix in films, books, or television. The film Sid & Nancy has two Dominatrix scenes that I watched repeatedly. I was a punk rock kid who loved punk rock/goth girls. So when I saw a woman who looked like Siouxsie from Siouxsie & The Banshees dressed in thigh highs and a corset, whipping a man hanging from her ceiling… I became fascinated. I wanted that.

What is it about being a submissive that you love?

Two major things. I love pleasing and serving the woman whom I am serving. Her pleasure is my pleasure when I am in that moment. Second, I love that I do not have to make any decisions. I’m very dominant in everyday life. My career requires me to make decisions and influence the actions of other people. Not having to decide or even think is such a solace to me.

As a submissive, what advice would you give to a submissive who is looking for Domme?

Be respectful and be personal. Do NOT just copy and paste emails or messages. Do your research. Also, do not just expect them to instantly dominate you. Get to know them. If they are professional, respect the fact that they are doing it for money. Whether it is professional or lifestyle, respect the fact that they are bombarded by submissives and you have to prove yourself. Remember, it’s more about YOU pleasing and serving them.

In one paragraph, create your perfect Dom/Domme submissive scene.

I’ve been fortunate to live out many fantasies, but if I wanted to step it up a notch, I would like to be with several Dommes at the same time. I was thinking like a 24-hour role play thing where they discuss what they want to do to me in detail and then make me theirs. I don’t think I would want it longer than that. Chastity devices, lingerie, and French maid outfits would be involved.

_So…

_{What have we learned from all of this?}

 

As our friend Luna Darke always tells me, “My submission is a gift.” Think about that. Acting voluntarily to be a submissive is a gift for the Dom/Domme. Our friend Luna Darke makes her Doms fill out applications. Sure, there is the degradation and humiliation aspect to submission, but it takes trust between a Domme/Dom and a sub.

There is something cathartic and healing about the dynamic of Dominance and submission. Having a real and healthy Dom/Domme and submissive relationship can change your life. I can honestly say that expressing myself (in the bedroom) has been very healing for me. I have been a healthier, happier, and kinder person since I began to explore my submissive nature. So try kneeling down to someone you love and trust. You may find a new sense of healing.

By the way…. this article reminds me that I should learn how to paint toenails better.

 

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