I’ve always tried to do was be open and honest with my daughters about sex, relationships, and their reproductive health. I think it’s incredibly important to always teach our kids the facts when it comes to their bodies and about sex.
I’m a very strict no-nonsense type person when it comes to reproductive and sexual health care, and I don’t play around with giggly silly and awkward attitudes when it comes to teaching our youth about it. We all deserve to have healthy sex lives when we’re old enough and wise enough but that starts with teaching young people the truth.
My door has always been open to my children anytime they wanted or needed to ask questions. I’m not saying I’m perfect and I’ve got it all figured out, but I do believe sex positivity starts with being well informed.
Being kinky and a parent can be a touchy subject. We need to talk about sex with our kids so that they can take charge of their own bodies and make sense of this world where videos of every sexual act imaginable are just a few keystrokes away. So I decided to interview my 19-year-old daughter about her perceptions of sex education so that I could share insights with Our Kinky Friends who are parents.
Do you think parents should be honest with their children about sex?
I don’t think there’s really such a thing as too honest and I’d rather you tell me than to find out in an inopportune time. Some people may find it awkward to talk to their kids about sex and kids may not want to hear this from their parents. However, for me this is normal and I feel like I’d rather know now than to find out later in an embarrassing time where it’s like hey you’re on your own in this so figure it out.
Are you happy I explained there’s more than just monogamy out there?
Yes, because I think it helps me understand other people’s way of life more. I also think talking about sex is like learning about religion in a way. If you’re not told there are other things out there, how are you supposed to know what you think and why and what’s right for you? I’d rather have everything explained to me so I can make choices that are right for me and not just do what everyone else does.
Because we have talked about monogamy and polyamory, I feel more able to explore my sexuality. I know I just want to be married to one person and not deal with anything else. But how am I supposed to know that’s really what I wanted if I find out later there’s more out there and the decision to be monogamous was made for me because I didn’t know any other way. I want to know about my options. I’m young and I may change my mind. If I do, I know you will still respect me as a person and support whomever I love.
Do you think that it’s helped you be more open-minded about all the other types relationships and more accepting of others and how they might choose to live their life?
Having our discussions help me understand other relationships and why they do what they do. I grew up with two parents in a monogamous relationship and if I wasn’t told the other options weren’t explained to me I wouldn’t know and be able to see things from a different point of view and feel some people tend to be afraid of things that are different from there way of life and don’t understand and if I hadn’t been told I feel I wouldn’t be as open-minded.
My parents have friends who aren’t monogamous, and I feel the situations could be awkward if I didn’t know. For example, if I showed up at their house and was like “hey, why are you kissing that lady she’s not your wife.” It’d just be awkward all around.
Do you feel like we have a closer and more honest relationship because I’ve been open with you about sex?
You’ve never omitted the truth or full-blown lied to me about anything. I feel if you had hidden something I wouldn’t be able to trust you. At one point or another, I was nervous to talk to you about an issue involving sex, but I think I’ve always just ended up asking anyway. I’ve always been able to just ask.
Do you feel the way I’ve taught you has had an impact on the decisions you’ve made about your own sex life or sexuality?
I feel since I’m more informed than others, I’ve made wiser decisions because I know the consequence. When I do decide I want to have sex with someone, I know what smart and safer choices are available. I am also more confident in my ability to say yes or no either way to a person.
How do you think parents should talk to their kids about sex?
Many parents shelter their kids from sex, and it’s not always a good thing. I don’t think it’s always a bad thing to filter what kids know about sex, but I think it helps more when a kid knows what to expect. If your kid can talk to you about sex, it can help them in other ways. It’ll help them be more open to ask other things and be able to make the decisions like knowing when to the doctor and speaking openly with the doctor. If parents are open and explain facts, then their children are more likely to go to them when they have a problem or questions. Kids can Google anything, but its always better to get information from someone you trust.
I think your parenting style prepares me for what I need to know about the world. You’ve never shied away from being as honest as possible, and you never made it awkward. You weren’t giggly or juvenile about it. You waited until you knew I was ready to listen and that I could be mature about listening and learning. The fact that you weren’t awkward is why I am able to feel comfortable about it too.
Parents need to tell their kids about sex. I should say that parents shouldn’t give details about their own sex lives. But my best advice is just honest, direct and open about the facts.