Breaking Down BDSM for Newbies by Master Bear

Before the car accident I used to teach a lot more. I had come up with a “Find your Inner Dominant Class.” Since the folks who came were all brand new, I started off with a generalized explanation of BDSM. I’ve worked on this for a while and I have found it be relatable for somebody who has no idea what I’m talking about.

This is how I break it down.

Coming into BDSM is like flying into a new country. The country of BDSM has a single representative flag, general history, social expectations that apply anywhere within the country of BDSM, and a general structure of how events are put on.

Let’s start with the country of BDSM.

This is the BDSM pride flag, you will find this is everywhere you go in the country of BDSM.

There are what would be considered “federal guidelines” of BDSM. (This is for comparison only to illustrate what you can find across boundaries). These tend to include consent, SSC/RACK/PRICK, social expectations, and a hierarchy of who puts on events. You can pretty much count on “don’t touch a collar” is a federal BDSM guideline. Others include: don’t interrupt a scene, don’t interrupt aftercare, there will always be old people, there will always be new people, there will always be predators, and there will always be people to try to help with handling predators.

If you know general federal guidelines then you can more easily move between one state and the other. Consider it like driving. Drive the speed limit= don’t touch somebody’s collar. Those apply everywhere you go.

Now the States:

Each state within the country of BDSM would be considered a type of BDSM. They each have their individual flag, type of dress, social expectations, dialect, and history. For example the State of Leather or the State of Pony Play.

(Leather Pride Flag)

Each state also has a region. For example: The State of West Leather and the State of East Leather. They are both Leather and although each region shares a general common flag, they have their own type of dress, social expectations, dialect, flag, and history that are connected across the board but still specific to place. (For example, the Leather Flag represents all regions, but in some regions, leather bar vests are a must wear and in others, they are not). This flag is specifically for the Albuquerque Leather Daddies:

One example of a state/regional guideline that is not a federal guideline would be if drugs and alcohol are allowed at play events. The use of these may be widely discussed but handled very differently depending on where you go. (Especially with the legalization of marijuana, 420 play parties are becoming more and more popular).The Northern State of Leather may say yes to both and the Southern State of Pony Play may say no to both.

(Leather Girl Pride Flag)

Understand that a state can be just about any desire. Rope, latex, mummification, diapers, leather women, submissive men, pansexual space, flogging, caning, feet, pervertables, and on and on. Where there is a desire or fetish there will be a community somewhere.

Coming into BDSM and having a class or a conversation is just the beginning of understanding the country of BDSM.

A lot of times newbies get caught in thinking that BDSM is basically what they’ve been fantasizing about. With that kind of being the beginning and the end of it. They tend to be very shocked to know that BDSM is an endless list of not just fetishes but also of skills and history that have been passed down generation to generation.

New skills are being identified and honed every day. So if I can give a newbie a sense of the bigness of BDSM, it helps put them into an understanding of the entirety of it.

(BDSM Puppy Pride Flag)