I’m a sarcastic smart ass… and not just a little bit. I was born without a filter. I’m sometimes a little blunt and can be a raging outspoken bitch at other times. I’m not an average woman. I was born demented, deformed and disabled. That’s as close to a triple D as I’ll ever get. (Yay, a boob joke!)
Disabled people can be and are sexual human beings. Let me say that again for the people who might have missed it. Disabled people CAN be and ARE sexual human beings. Being disabled does not stop our hormones from revving up. It doesn’t make us magically turn into cold fish who find no joy in intimacy, kink, or just plain hardcore banging.
I’ve seen multiple articles about overcoming stigmas associated with disabilities and sex. Yet, in my 43 years on this earth, I’ve never experienced it. That’s not to say that there’s no stigma. However, I think that we (as in those of us who are disabled) may play a bigger part in perpetuating the stigma than most of us would like to admit. Our attitudes towards ourselves and our disabilities could very well have a bigger impact on how we present ourselves to others which, in turn, has an impact on how others react to us.
Let me share some key points about myself. I have paralysis of my left hand. I wore a leg brace for the first 21 years of my life and a knee brace till I was 36 years old when I had a total right knee replacement. I also have a spinal tumor, so there are days I need a cane or worse days when I have needed a wheelchair. I’m no stranger to disabilities. If that’s not enough for you, I have a mild form of a genetic condition that causes tumors to grow on my nerves. (Look up neurofibromatosis type 1 aka NF1 images on any search engine for an education on that. The pictures aren’t for the faint of heart.)
While I’ve never thought of myself as some sexy temptress, I also don’t think I’m some ugly, unwanted, waste of space. I don’t let my health problems define me. I think that makes a big difference in how others respond to me. In the words of my daughter, “You’re a hot mama. Guys my age think you’re my sister and that you’re a babe!” That right there makes me feel good even if it is a bunch of teenage and early twenty-year-old guys who are young enough to be my kids.
I’m not bragging, not in the least. I’m just trying to make a point. Even when I’m wheelchair bound, people flirt with me, and I think my attitude has a great deal to do with it. I think it’s time people who have a disability explore their sexuality and diminish the stigma. There’s always going to be rude, hateful and ignorant scumbags out there, but you can’t let those interactions define you.
Being disabled does not mean that you can’t enjoy sex and feel desirable. There are opportunities to meet other people if we make the effort to search for them. We must be willing to open ourselves up to new experiences. Both the good and the bad experiences have value. Even perfectly healthy people have bad dates that don’t end well, but being disabled does not mean that you must suppress your sexuality all your life.
Yes, we disabled people may have to put forth a little more effort to make those connections, but isn’t it worth it if you can be happy and have joy? Why give any power to a stigma? Why create a problem to add to all our others? Find your inner sexy! Be bold. Flirt! Give yourself the freedom to be happy and throw aside any stigmas you have seen or may think are there. Go have fun. Show people the awesome person you are and what you can do. You may not do it like everyone else, but, hell, you might do it better!
Sassywitch666 is a wife in a D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationship with her husband. Although they have been married twenty years, they only got into kink several years ago. She has Neurofibromatosis type 1 (NF1).