by Tangled Blue
I am not perfect. I have curves from too many french fries and a serious goldfish cracker habit. I find myself googling diets, potions, and magic spells in the vain attempt to reshape my body to be more aesthetically pleasing on a regular basis. I’ve had two children and carrying them in my body changed me in many wonderful ways, but also left scars that dimple my once flat belly. I have wrinkles! I have wrinkles on my neck! My boobs are succumbing to gravity, and I am considering propping them up with toothpicks. I could continue listing my flaws indefinitely, but with age and experience also comes insight. I carry my history in every crease and bump. I like who I am and I wanted to find a way to celebrate myself as I am right now. I decided to do a boudoir shoot to see my body through a photographer’s lens in the hope that I may better appreciate what I see in the mirror.
I searched Groupon for a photographer and found Kimberly Meadows studio. She had had a great online presence, beautiful sample shots, and well written reviews. I loved that her website had #bodypositive very prominent on the opening page. I am a curvy woman and this boosted my confidence. I scheduled my appointment online and anxiety settled in my gut. I was worried about not being sexy enough to get a good picture. I worried that I would have a pimple. What if I fart?! I worried that I would tense up and not be able to finish the shoot. I consoled myself thinking about all the times I’ve played at dungeons and wear lingerie in front of strangers, but this experience felt different. Dungeons are dark and have everyone is busy finding their own happy to really notice me. I would be vulnerable in front of a camera lens and this scared me a little.
My next task was choosing outfits that I wanted to wear. I have a closet filled with lingerie and accessories, and I knew that I probably should stick to two or three outfits. I wanted to go with a classic look so I laid out: a black feathery light baby-doll nightie, a handful of thongs, my favorite bra, garters, red gloves, a mask, my leash, my collar, and my sparkly black corset. I feel like a true sex kitten in that outfit and it bolsters my confidence. It hugs my curves just right and props up my old lady boobs. My only hesitation was that I knew that I couldn’t put the corset on by myself because it has little eye hooks up the back. I threw it in the bag, and I hoped the photographer would help me put it on. I also packed my favorite heels and three packs of brand new thigh highs.
The photographer had a list of things to do to prepare for a shoot posted on her website. I like to follow lists and completing her tasks made me less anxious and more prepared for the experience. My favorite tips included “brush your lips with a toothbrush to remove dry skin” and “wear loose clothing so that you don’t have marks on your skin.” These are two things that I would have never considered without her tip sheet. The list also said to cut the tags off my panties. I guess tags would distract from my giant booty.
On the day of the shoot, I put on a button down dress and flip flops to go to the studio. I wore my sexy bra and panties set underneath so all I had to do was remove my dress to start the session. It was freezing outside, and I got strange looks as I was running through the city with bare legs, chattering teeth and a bag overflowing with lingerie. Luckily, the studio was easy to find and only a short sprint away from where I parked.
The studio was an awesome loft that was made from a renovated school. She had a bed set up in the corner of her living room where the shoot would take place and gorgeous giant windows to let in lots of natural light. We arranged my lingerie all over her couch and talked about which outfits would work the best. I then perched on her kitchen stool so she could do my makeup. This allowed us time to talk and helped me get rid of jitters. Makeup didn’t take long and soon it was time for me to disrobe. I did it like pulling off a band-aid, and BOOM! I was in a unknown living room in my skivvies. I went to sit on her couch to put on my high heels and froze because I was wearing a thong. Should I go bare-assed on a stranger’s couch? I panicked and just balanced awkwardly to put on my shoes. I tottered over to her bed, and she gave me instructions on how to contort my body into sexy poses. I did my best to twist into the positions and instructions were simple like “grab the corner of the blanket,” “tip your head back and close your eyes,” and “part your lips.” I gave pause to the “pop your booty” request. My ass has its own weather system. I did my best to push it out, but I hoped that she was using a wide angle lens. It wasn’t long into the shoot when I realized that I felt good about myself. Once I ditched my inhibitions, the shoot became wicked fun, and I was dashing back and forth for costume changes. I used the corset last and she helped me fasten all the tiny hooks. I did a victory cheer on the inside that I was brave enough to ask her to help me. She took lots of pictures and we finished the shoot in just under two hours. I quickly threw on jeans and a sweatshirt over my garters and stockings. I wore them the rest of the day as my naughty little secret.
The pictures were digital and I was able to see them within a few days of my experience. I was stunned. I looked crazy hot in many of the shots. I was excited that they turned out so well and selected a few to give to my husband as a present. He grinned at me for days and told me it was the best present I had ever given him. Boudoir photography was great exploration in body positivity for me, and I encourage all women to give it a try. I know that I am not perfect, but this experience reminded me that I am beautiful in my own weird little way.
by Tangled Blue