I’m the wife of a man who survived prostate cancer and who deals with low testosterone. Now that may not mean much to most people, but to those like me who have a man with these two issues, it means a great deal.
Cancer and low testosterone greatly impacted our sex life and intimacy. We work hard to overcome his insecurities about how his body responds or won’t respond the way it should when we want to be intimate. I also felt rejected by him when he can’t perform like he used to. I know that my worries are silly and unfounded. I try to reason it out in my head that it has nothing to do with how I look to him or how he feels about me, but it is out of his control.
Many people don’t understand that their partner who has medical issues isn’t trying to ignore your needs or trying to make you feel unwanted, unloved, or undesirable. Your partner is an innocent victim of cancer’s aftermath. The horrible effects cancer takes on a body spills over into other aspects of life and many times the change in a relationship makes it hard to cope.
Relationships take a hard hit when one is battling a serious illness. It is hard to deal with it day in and day out. You feel neglected, unloved and overwhelmingly frustrated. But if you stop for a moment and think about it you’ll realize there are other things to be done besides walking away. It all starts with speaking up! COMMUNICATION IS KEY in any relationship. It’s the number one thing that will help improve any and all relationships.
Yes, I still have my moments of self-consciousness and of feeling unwanted or undesirable. That is something that happens in any relationship. Kink helped my husband and I find ways to communicate with one another. We learned new to please one another. No, you don’t have to be kinky to find what works for you. But it sure hasn’t hurt us any. Well, at least not in a bad way…..
There’s more to sex than just a penis in a vagina. There’s a wide variety of things you can explore. There’s tantric sex. There are steamy massages. There is naughty role-playing while wearing sexy outfits and so much more. So, before waving the white flag and walking away from a challenging relationship, try checking out other ways to connect. I’m certain that if my husband and I hadn’t tried kink we’d of separated years ago. Instead, we’re trying new and exciting things.
No, it’s not all perfect and we still stumble through some rough patches but at least now we can feel comfortable speaking up and saying “Hey! This isn’t working for me, can we try something different?” or “Are you ok with this? Do you need to try something else? Do you need a timeout to regroup and try again?”
Understanding, patience, and creativity are necessary to keep a relationship alive and the willingness to communicate can help partners overcome any obstacles in their love life.