Being a professional Dominatrix is a beautifully unique profession but also hard work. Here at YKF, we speak to Pro Dommes all the time. Especially in these politically turbulent times (FOSTA/SESTA), YKF wants to celebrate the Professional Dominatrix and give readers insight into their lifestyle. I decided to do part III of the series.
So, I asked several of my Professional Dominatrix friends some questions, and here are their answers…
Lucy Sweetkill
from La Maison du Rouge
Mistress Lucy Sweetkill is a Professional Dominatrix, BDSM educator, and Purveyor of Erotic Experiences. After spending many years sharpening her skills and training other Dominas at a commercial dungeon in NYC, she decided to go off on her own. Her newfound independence allowed her to expand her BDSM interests and connect with more like-minded individuals. Offering 101 + 102 type sessions for novices and couples to mastermind large group scenes, Lucy’s main goal is to guide individuals through their BDSM and erotic journey. An entrepreneur at heart with a business degree to back it up, Lucy co-founded La Maison du Rouge, a company focused on a holistic approach to the BDSM experience, with Domina Dia Dynasty. Over the last 3 years, LMDR has been focused on expanding the BDSM experience by discussing, educating, and informing our audiences about the intersections of kink, wellness, sexuality, spirituality, and social activism. We aim to build community in this regard by creating a safe space for discussing these topics as well as advocating the normalization of alternative sexualities. By challenging current social norms, we aspire to bolster a culture around consent and open communication.
Links:
www.onlyfans.com/lucysweetkill
Instagram @MistressSweetKill
Twitter https://twitter.com/LucySweetkill
website: www.lamaisondurouge.com
periscope: https://www.pscp.tv/lamaisondurouge
Upcoming BDSM 101 class: http://www.pleasenewyork.com/events/2018/4/25/bdsm-101-d9gds-bs2hs-n6kbn
How did you get started in the Femdom/professional Domme lifestyle and what kinks/fetishes do you enjoy?
The short and simple answer is that I answered an ad on Backpage.com. My story is written in full on my website http://lucysweetkill.com/bio/
Regarding what I enjoy, it really has to do with power dynamics and unconventional activities. I have always been drawn to the “different.” Through that curiosity, I love exploring a variety of kinks and fetishes. A few core interests are pain training as I consider myself a “Conscious Sadist.” That means I am aware of my sadism and only enjoy it when others enjoy pain. I also love my feet and legs worshipped and massaged so true foot fetishes are very compatible with me. One fetish many may not know is that I have a lift and carry fetish which means I get very aroused when I am carried around and my feet never touch the ground.
What advice would you give to a woman who wants to be a professional Domme?
Do your research on BDSM, take classes, and start with a few play partners before jumping into the Professional side.
What advice would you give to men who want to approach a Pro Domme?
Be respectful and consider how many others want her time and energy for free. Visit her website and read it in full. Our websites aren’t just there for superficial reasons, we put a lot of time and effort into the words as well.
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/bdsm-101-tickets-44727485112
VIDEO CHAT: Lucy Sweetkill & Dia Dynasty from La Maison du Rouge
Goddess Nyx
Goddess Nyx is a Los Angeles-based artist, fetish model, and experience creator with a penchant for freaks and a body of curves that will take your breath away… literally. Her fetish interests are deeply varied and ever-growing, but some of her favorites include smothering/squishing, sensation play, wrestling, sploshing, pet play, and CBT. When she is not busting balls at Sanctuary Studios she is usually working on her line of faux fur clothing and kink accessories, because she believes that life would be better if it were fuzzier.
http://Instagram.com/you_need_nyx
http://Twitter.com/you_need_nyx
http://Tinyurl.com/MustPleaseNyx
How did you get started in the Femdom/professional Domme lifestyle and what kinks/fetishes do you enjoy?
My roommate in college started working for Sanctuary Studios LAX while we were living together. How she found it is a whole separate origin story. I followed her progress for a while. After graduating from college, I had a lot more time to explore myself and the world. Just a couple of parties later, I was sitting in front of Mistress Cyan explaining my passion and experience. The next week I was working at Sanctuary, receiving massive amounts of support and tutoring from the wonderful experienced ladies there. I love it so much that it can be hard to narrow it down. Some favorites are definitely Pet Play, Goddess Worship, Squishing/Trampling, Wrestling, and Sploshing. I really get a lot of enjoyment from seeing people live out their specific fantasies, so I’m always open to something new.
What advice would you give to a woman who wants to be a professional Domme?
Be patient. Be passionate. Do your research. This is not “easy money,” and this is not a guarantee in any way. If you don’t truly care about what you’re doing as a Domme, then you shouldn’t be doing it. This practice is about more than you. Your clients are not inherently worthless horrible things, even if they want you to call them that. They are people, with deep needs and desires that they need to be fulfilled just like anyone else. Don’t push connections and don’t expect to have a fun time playing if there is no connection. Every Domina is different, so be your own kind of Domme. Stick to your convictions, go to parties, get involved in your local scene, and wait for the good subs to find you.
What advice would you give to men who want to approach a Pro Domme?
Be respectful, concise, and efficient. We are people too. Most of us have so much going on outside of our kinky practice that we do not have the time to coach you through how to be a damn adult. Do your research, know what you want and when you want it. DO NOT HAGGLE WITH US. Be upfront and honest and try not to be shy. We are professionals and we have probably seen things you can’t even imagine. It’s much faster and way more fun when you overcome the hurdle of your innate embarrassment all on your own. Come to us with an open mind and a tender vulnerability and we can really do the rest.
Lady Absinthe
Born in 83′ March 30 in Romania, Lady Absinthe became a cam model in 2007. In 2009, she became a Mistress. She is an exclusive Imlive Top Mistress.
Explore Fetish & BDSM with LadyAbsinthe on ImLive Sex Cams
https://www.fetishgalaxy.com/referred/LadyAbsinthe
How did you get started in the Femdom/professional Domme lifestyle and what kinks/fetishes do you enjoy?
First, I would like to salute you and the readers.
I guess I always loved to be admired and to be the center of attention when it comes to men and to women too, to be honest. Guess it is something deeply rooted in my psyche. When I first found out, many years ago, more than I like to admit, about this new thing called video chat, I was naturally attracted to the idea. I am not the kind of person who takes too much time to switch from idea to action so soon enough I had a few accounts on such sites. And this activity fit me like a perfect pair of shoes. I started to earn enough money in order to achieve another goal of mine, to never ever have a boss to tell me what to do and no strict schedule. At the time I had no idea about Dommes except a few prejudices about the BDSM world. I was told many times by guys visiting my online room that I treat them like a mistress which was actually true because the first rule to be admitted and tolerated in my room was to act polite and play by my rules regardless of the size of your account and balance. Then, one day, fate happened. I had a customer who was a BDSM enthusiast, a real deal submissive. He was a successful software developer traveling all over the world with a huge suitcase filled with loads and loads of props. During many months he showed me a world I had no idea about, a world of fetishes, of kinks that inebriated my mind, and most important a world in which I could be the Goddess I always wanted to be. It was like pushing the ENGAGE! Button for me; once you go Domina you never go back. I changed the way I see things, I changed all my profiles online to fit my new me and I became the person and persona I am today. Sometimes it is hard, even for me, to distinguish the person from the persona. I’ve tried a significant number of sites and platforms during the years until I found a site and a team that suits my needs perfectly. So for almost a year already I am a top Domina exclusively on Imlive.
What do I enjoy? I am a moody person with a large horizon of likes so favorite of today is not necessarily the favorite of tomorrow. In random order, I do enjoy having different parts of my body worshiped, with a weakness when it comes to feet. I do love my sissies, especially when I have the chance to train a capable one to turn into a real dirty slut, having him or her gagging hard on my strap-on. I do enjoy the sight of a solid arse gaping, humiliation, Jerk Off Instruction, and CEI are also soft spots of mine. Turning a little piggy into my personal ATM is not tickling my sensual side but it does amuse me and of course, I do enjoy the benefits of reaping off this kind of creature. Cuckolding always gives me the feeling of power over inadequate men, and of course, I do have my share of pleasure in punishing the ones who fail to meet the standards. What is not my cup of tea and doesn’t ring my bell is bondage. I prefer mental restraints over physical ones and blackmail, even as a role-play because I need to know that I am obeyed properly.
What advice would you give to a woman who wants to be a professional Domme?
Hard to give advice on something that you have to have within you. If you have to ask, there will be no one to tell you the correct answer. For the beginners, I would suggest a vast exploration of the subject, lots of reading, learning to understand the motivation behind your own desires and actions, and of course the subs’ motivations. One should learn about the mechanism behind any fetish and kink, the variations of a theme, the right times to punish, and the correct times to reward.
What advice would you give to men who want to approach a Pro Domme?
I would not discuss here the correct way of addressing a Domina because I hope anyone thinking of approaching a Domme would already have this knowledge. Here is what you shouldn’t do. First of all, don’t confuse the Mistress with a mind-reader. You need to communicate openly and honestly and express, as clearly as you can, your desires, your kinks, your fetishes, your limits, and the borders you would like to explore. Don’t expect her to guess what is in your mind. Don’t ask questions that sound like a questionnaire, e.g. “What do you like, Mistress?’’ If She wants to tell you information, you will know. Don’t dodge any of Her questions either and always answer completely and to the best of your ability.
All the best to you and the readers and may the Gods look upon you!
Giselle Thibodeaux
Also known as the Goddess of Freedom, Control, and Power, Giselle Thibodeaux is a Domme and a PepLove Phone Consultant. She likes to explore chastity, tease and denial, cock and ball torture, forced bisexuality, and more.
Coming Soon- Army of Kink armyofkink.com
Giselle on PEPLOVE: http://www.peplove.com/ladies/giselle
NaughtyGiselle-Fet : https://fetlife.com/users/6331980
Giselle Thibodeaux- Instagram
Twitter: https://twitter.com/Ms_GiselleT
Tumblr: https://naughtygiselle.tumblr.com/
How did you get started in the Femdom/professional Domme lifestyle and what kinks/fetishes do you enjoy?
I’ve been a lifestyle Domme since I was 23. 2 years ago, I made the leap from Life to pro, when I took a chance and started working for PEP, a phone sex company. From there, I started seeing clients in person as well as on the phone and in cam sessions. As for my personal kinks and fetishes, I try not to limit myself in what I enjoy and believe in keeping an open mind. After all, what I enjoy today can change tomorrow. My ultimate Fetish, however, has always been power and control. I love TPE (Total Power Exchange). I’ve also really been into men sucking cock for me. I really love it when he professes to be as straight as possible, because I know he is sucking for me and it’s 100% about my pleasure.
What advice would you give to a woman who wants to be a professional Domme?
Find a good mentor, someone who really knows their stuff. By that, I’m talking about the business side. You can find all sorts of classes in kink. However, none of those classes are going to teach you successful business skills. I’m lucky. I have amazing mentors and an MBA; not everyone has that and poor business skills can make or break you. A good mentor is going to not only guide you in the kink but the business part too.
What advice would you give to men who want to approach a Pro Domme?
Be polite and don’t send any pictures of ANY kind unless she requests them. Follow directions to the letter. For example, if her site says to send an email request, don’t show up at her dungeon or call. After all, if you can’t follow basic directions from the start and we aren’t having a session, you will be worse when we do have a session. Also, pay your Domme what she is worth. Don’t try to talk her down in price, her labor is just as valuable as yours regardless of how much she may or may not enjoy what she does. After all, you wouldn’t want your boss to downgrade your pay because you enjoy your job, would you? You are paying for professional service. Don’t expect to be given anything other than what has been negotiated.
VIDEO CHAT: Giselle Thibodeaux (The Mistress Of Naughty) w/ Nicholas Tanek
Evil Opal
Goddess Evil Opal is a professional and lifestyle domina who’s been active in the kink scene for over a decade. She’s based in Tampa Bay, Florida but she enjoys traveling and meeting kinky people in every corner of the globe. Over the years she’s been involved in a variety of BDSM events and organizations, including writing for Creative Loafing, owning a transformation salon/photography service for crossdressers, and hosting a popular monthly play party for t-girls and their admirers. She’s been making femdom fetish porn since 2007 and is now writing her first book, a collection of erotic stories set in a world ruled by women where all the men are slaves.
Goddess Opal currently offers a range of professional domination services including phone, webcam, and in-the-flesh sessions. She particularly enjoys teasing and controlling her slaves with salacious email assignments and femdom sexting; she feels that these methods allow her to penetrate deeper into the lives and minds of subs who wouldn’t otherwise be able to fulfill their submissive longings.
Opal describes herself as a creator of sublime experiences: She uses her sadistic sensuality, background in the arts, and insight into the submissive psyche to help her clients realize their femdom fantasies.
LINKS:
EvilOpal.com (my main website) – http://evilopal.com
IWantClips – https://iwantclips.com/store/99999/EvilOpal
IWantFanClub – https://iwantfanclub.com/evilopal
Clip4Sale (general femdom) – http://clips4sale.com/41982
Clips4Sale (feminization/sissy) – http://clips4sale.com/43192
NiteFlirt – https://www.niteflirt.com/Evil+Opal
SextPanther – https://www.sextpanther.com/Evil-Opal
How did you get started in the Femdom/professional Domme lifestyle and what kinks/fetishes do you enjoy?
I was always pretty kinky, and I ALWAYS took the lead in my intimate relationships, so it’s a little surprising that I waited until my mid-30s to get involved in the BDSM scene. At the time I was a stay-at-home mom with a hyperactive sex drive. I’d decided to try selling my worn panties as a fun way of making extra cash. Through that, I discovered two very important things: I learned that I really enjoyed taking smutty photos of myself, and I met my first sissy.
I was aware that the kink scene existed before this but my image of it was very macho: all-black leather, whips, and chains. When I met this sissy I learned that there was a whole other side to the scene, aside where domination came from teasing seduction rather than brute force and where the overall aesthetic was much more feminine. As someone who had a fetish for silk, this was right up my alley.
I knew right away that I wanted to be a Dominatrix and since I was already dabbling in sex work it was a logical progression for me to become a pro-Domme. I spent some time learning the basics of things like bondage and flogging first, then I began offering pro sessions around 2007.
I enjoy a lot of fetishes. Along with my silk addiction, I’m a huge lover of other “luxury” fabrics like fur and satin; this comes out in my love for playing dress-up and teasing. (Over the years I’ve also learned to appreciate the powerful effect of latex and black leather on the submissive male psyche.) Things like lingerie, sexy clothes, high-heeled shoes, and nylons also play a role in the feminization/sissification fetishes I enjoy so much.
I very much enjoy fetishes where I can use my luscious BBW body to my full advantage. This includes things like facesitting and trampling of course but also more esoteric fetishes like crushing food and objects and giantess fantasies. I’m also a huge lover of humiliation play but the only kind of bondage I’m really into is silk scarf and sari bondage. I enjoy the opulent sensuality and sheer prettiness of that BDSM art. Otherwise, I’m mainly a practical bondage lover; I prefer to tie you up so I can DO things to you (or make you do things!) afterward.
Strapon play is another huge favorite of mine and an area in which I consider myself a true expert (along with anal training in general). And I’ve learned that I can be pretty sadistic. With the right submissive, I get into things like flogging, cropping, spanking, and CBT. There are SO many fascinating fetishes out there I could probably go on forever.
What advice would you give to a woman who wants to be a professional Domme?
There are a number of books and educational workshops about how to get your sex work business started and any aspiring pro should certainly check those out. Those resources will help you with practical essentials like taking payments, client screening and so on. Beyond that, I would tell her to get out there and learn some in-the-flesh BDSM skills. Even if you intend to work online only it’ll give you an understanding of how things feel and how subs respond. This knowledge will help you to create more compelling scenes. It’ll also give you a grasp of basic safety issues which is so important. Accidentally killing or maiming your clients is not cool!
I would also tell any aspiring pro to spend some time studying marketing. Sales skill isn’t something you’re just born with; it’s something you can learn. And the thing you’ll probably spend the vast majority of your time on isn’t whipping sub guys but rather selling yourself and your services.
On the subject of marketing, there’s one last bit of advice I’d give to any woman who wants to be a pro-Domme. Everyone will tell you, “be yourself.” The problem with that is most of us are so complicated that if we try to present our WHOLE self to the world it winds up looking incoherent and unremarkable. You want to be remarkable! So pick just a few things that are MOST distinctive of you, your interests, and your style, and focus on those things. That’ll help you stand out from the crowd so much better and subs who are interested in other stuff will contact you anyway.
What advice would you give to men who want to approach a Pro Domme?
The #1 piece of advice I’d give to a man who’s never seen a pro before is to just be professional about it. Arranging your meeting with any sex worker should be like setting up an appointment with any other professional. You may have questions and it’s ok to ask. But for instance, asking, “What are you going to do to me?” instead of settling practical details like time and date will signal to her that you’re someone who’s more interested in masturbating to the fantasy than actually having a session. And trust me, any woman in this business gets a LOT of those kinds of messages; chances are she’ll just ignore yours.
Along the same lines: if she asks for an initial tribute just send it already. Now I don’t mean emptying your bank account for someone you barely know, but that small introductory gift will do more than anything else to demonstrate your sincere intent. Remember that you can always make more money and she can never make more time. When she’s choosing who to spend her precious time on, you want to be the prospect she takes seriously and responds to instead of the one that’s consigned to the recycle bin.
Even if you’re totally new to this, it’s your responsibility to have an idea of what you really want – and don’t want – before you ever contact her. Your awareness of your own needs and desires should actually dictate who you choose to submit to. So many males will go for a pretty face that catches their eye without considering her domination style or areas of expertise. You’ll have a much better session if you’ve selected a Domme who enjoys and is skilled in the things you fantasize about. If you’re looking for an owner it’s even more important to choose someone whose desires and expectations match your own; a mismatch here can lead to real heartbreak.
VIDEO CHAT: Evil Opal (Original Silk Domme) w/ Nicholas Tanek
So…
What have we learned from all of this?
A Professional Dominatrix is more of a kinky kind of counselor. Many men and women need them because they cannot find people in their lives to help them experience their kinks and fetishes. People who can’t express themselves may feel like they have a hole in their hearts and feel this deep emptiness. A Professional Dominatrix can help a person feel whole. Sure, sometimes it is through humiliation or by using a paddle, but the whole act can be therapeutic for both people. All of the Professional Dommes I know are intelligent, interesting, hardworking, cool people. They are truly helping people. So, show them some respect and support your local (or online) Professional Dominatrix.