Our BDSM Erotica Author Friends by Nicholas Tanek

We know some BDSM Erotica authors who truly represent the kink community and the culture. When I published The Coolest Way to Kill Yourself, it was filed under the genre of romance. My book is a true love story that includes kinky sex. One of the major themes in the book is how exploring kink can be healing. At the time, 50 Shades of Grey was very popular, and so many authors tried to jump on the bandwagon. When I was promoting my book, I was overwhelmed by the number of authors who did not represent BDSM in the proper way. As someone who is active in the kink community, it annoyed me. I understand some books are just fantasy, but I still think that BDSM Erotica authors have a responsibility to the kink community and their readers.

So, I asked some of my BDSM Erotica author friends several questions. Here are their answers.

 

Mischa Eliot

Working by day as an office superhero, Mischa Eliot spends her lunch breaks and evenings trying to bring the hottest, sexiest, one-handed reads to you. You’ll find various stories about BDSM-Life that feel much more realistic than the average blockbuster. She also writes under the name M. J. Spencer.

Twitter: https://twitter.com/mischa_eliot 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MischaEliot/

Blog: http://www.MischaEliot.com

How much of your work is based on real life experiences and how much is from your imagination?

Everything is based on my imagination. I have been bound in rope for research purposes. However, stories often either come to me out of the blue, while writing another story, or from a comment I overhear somewhere. It’s easier for me to follow my muse where it takes me than trying to force it where I want to go.

How do you think BDSM is misrepresented in erotica?

Sadly, I have had to stop reading many books and stories out there because they completely disregard any safety for the people in the story. I understand that it’s fiction and no one is being harmed, but I feel that means other people reading these stories might attempt to act out these scenes and someone will be hurt. By writing erotica with BDSM-elements that are safe, sane, and consensual, I hope to educate people. There seems to be so much out there that doesn’t contain any discussion or negotiation between partners and I want to change that. I’ve read stories about women being bound and blindfolded without consent. I’ve listened to stories of women saying no and the men doing what they want anyway. I understand wanting to reflect real life, but a woman falling in love with a man who raped her is ridiculous. I’m tired of seeing it out there.

How has writing BDSM erotica helped you and other people?

Reading any kind of erotica helps let my imagination fly. I hope that by writing erotica with BDSM elements that are safe, my work will help people realize that it’s not just fun and games. It’s always best to know what your limits are and to take time to push them. I’ve had people tell me that they didn’t expect something in a story and it really surprised them. It was not just a twist, but how much they enjoyed being surprised. So much writing these days appears to be just a copy of someone else’s work with the setting and names changed. I don’t want to write stories that are a mirror-image of another. I don’t want to write stories that will trigger someone into a panic attack. Sex is fun and BDSM is just a portion of the fun to be had. I want people to realize that sex is meant to be a positive part of life. It isn’t supposed to be kept in the dark or shamed. Whether kinky or vanilla, sex should be celebrated. I hope that with people coming forth and sharing their truths, their fears, and the things that have happened in their lives, it will move us forward into a more sex-positive future.

What are some of the worst names for sex organs that you have seen used by authors?

Love tunnel, unless they’re being humorous. And I find it to be a turn off when they refer to a guy’s penis as being inflamed. It sounds like he needs a doctor.

  

Al Daltrey

Al Daltry’s interest in kinky sex started in his university years. Like most men, he loved meeting women, and especially the occasional one who didn’t mind being tied up, blindfolded, or spanked. He always loved vanilla sex too, but BDSM became the icing on the cake.

During his lifetime, he was lucky enough to meet his fair share of submissive women. Outside the bedroom, they were confident, opinionated, gregarious, and self-assured. However, inside the bedroom (so to speak), they wanted to feel the strong firm hand of a dominant man taking complete control.

Eventually he found the perfect partner and is now happily married. Then one day, he started to write a kinky story which eventually turned into his first novel.

Amazon link: https://www.amazon.com/Al-Daltrey/e/B00LOZOG9Q/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1517847224&sr=8-1

Facebook Author Page: https://www.facebook.com/AlDaltrey/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/aldaltrey?lang=en

http://www.eroticabdsm.com

How much of your work is based on real life experiences and how much is from your imagination?

I had many years of experience in the lifestyle before I ever started typing my first novel. To be honest, I never aspired to write a novel. It was never a goal of mine, like it was with other authors. I was a kinkster at heart. One day, on a whim, I decided to write a kinky story. Soon I had 10,000 words, and then 20,000. That’s when I realized this story was halfway toward a full novel. I had heard about self-publishing on Amazon, so decided to try it. So, for me, my stories truly do stem from real life experiences. That said, the imagination also comes into play. The characters in my novels are fictitious. Perhaps they were inspired by real life people, but it’s all made up.

I do sense there are some authors out there who have no real-life experience. I think I can sniff them out easily. Mind you, I don’t criticize them. An author doesn’t have to be an astronaut to write a novel about space travel, so the same applies.

How do you think BDSM is misrepresented in erotica?

I get asked this question a lot, especially after the popularity of 50 Shades of Grey. A lot of people in the BDSM community were critical of that series because they felt it was not an accurate portrayal of the lifestyle. Except it was never supposed to be! Is Grey’s Anatomy a real reflection of life as a doctor? No. It’s a TV show. Is Mission Impossible a real reflection of what life is like as a secret agent? No. It’s a movie. When people watch CSI, they know it’s story-telling. 50 Shades is a story. Nothing more, nothing less. All to say that BDSM is no more misrepresented in erotica than lawyers are misrepresented in TV court dramas. Or, the same way that a police officer is misrepresented in an action movie. It’s fiction! There are a lot of wonderful resources on the internet that more accurately reflect the lifestyle. Look there if you want to better understand the lifestyle. People shouldn’t use fiction as an educational resource, but rather simply as entertainment.

How has BDSM erotica helped you and other people?

It has helped because it made myself and others realize that having fetishes and kinks is okay. Make sure the three rules apply: it’s safe, it’s sane, and it’s consensual among adults. When I was growing up, I found myself having fantasies about sexual domination. At first, it was unsettling. “Why am I having these fantasies? Am I different?” I never mentioned it to anyone, not even my closest friends. I kept thinking, “I must be the only one who thinks this way.” Erotica helps take the stigma away. Seeing BDSM in a popular bookstore lets everyone know that there are a LOT of people who find this stuff enjoyable. Twenty years ago, if a young woman admitted that she found it arousing to be spanked, society would consider her freaky and perverted. Nowadays, that’s not such a big deal. Erotica helped make it permissible and acceptable to celebrate our kinks without being ashamed of them. We are more open-minded now and this is a good thing.

What are some of the worst names for sex organs that you have seen used by authors?

For men: Tool, Manhood, Equipment. For women: Nest. Love-tunnel.

 

Dr. J.

Dr. J. arrived at her writing career after being a condom packer, sex educator, sex therapist, and finally a college professor of human sexuality. Using her vast knowledge and experience of sexuality and the mind, she continues her education efforts to integrate positive sexuality into the human experience through her stories. She writes within the Romance and Erotica genres.

Website: http://drjauthor.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrJAuthor/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/DoctorJAuthor

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drjauthor_/

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drjauthor/

Amazon Author Page: https://www.amazon.com/Dr.-J/e/B01L82UELS/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/WickedPens

 

How much of your work is based on real life experiences and how much is from your imagination?

Most of my writing is from my imagination with a smaller amount based on personal sexuality life experience. My partner works with me when I want to try out events or new activities to get a sense of them. I still draw on my experiences with clients. I use the feelings and descriptions I’ve heard expressed and instill them in my characters. Writing about BDSM is like beginning the process of engaging in the lifestyle. You have a starting point. There is a progression. It might begin with exploring cuffs, clips, and spanks and end with intricate and detailed rule adherence. You educate yourself before you jump in to write an in-depth, nuanced BDSM scene. That’s my experience.

How do you think BDSM is misrepresented in erotica?

When BDSM is misrepresented in erotica, I believe it’s because writers overlook the relational context. The behaviors must fit the individuals, in real life or fiction. I’m an anomaly as a former sex therapist turned erotica writer. Because of my formal sexuality training, the relational pieces come more easily for me. A writer will write either from personal experience, research, or both. My first erotica writing instructor stressed that we should attempt to write outside our comfort zone. And with that idea, fiction mirrors life. Sometimes, it takes time to get it right.

How has writing BDSM erotica helped you and other people?

There is an empowerment in reading and writing BDSM erotica. My writing is a tool to give erotic pleasure to myself and my readers. Writing is a basic turn on for me. Since our most powerful sex organ is the brain, I’m just using it in a new creative way. Some people might want to explore their kinky side and don’t because of shame, fear, or societal hang-ups about the topic. Because that resonates with me, I write kinky stories holding those notions in the forefront. As a sex researcher, I know that people learn about sex from many media outlets including reading erotic romance and erotica. I can insert accurate information throughout my writing, clarifying through characters’ words or actions, being sane, safe, and consensual. If a reader can relate to a story or place him/her/themselves in the story, transformation is possible. In writing stories that contain BDSM, I work to set the stage for consent along with a sense of hope. I write characters who may experience fear and anxiety but push through it using their strength. Sexuality investigation has a way of allowing folks to access new information about themselves, in real life and fiction. It does for me. My end goal is for personal triumph, and it fits my writing motto: writing to arouse the mind and other parts.

What are some of the worst names for sex organs that you have seen used by authors?

When writing, I think it’s important to create the characters with the vocabulary that matches their personalities. If an author does this, then sexual organ names work. But when authors use turgid member, pud, stick, pink cigar or anything childish like pee-pee or diddly for a penis, I cringe. Much like our culture, euphemisms reflect discomfort with sexuality especially if they are in childhood language form. Other cringe-worthy words for the vulva/vagina are the tunnel of love, candy shop, pleasure gate or bearded clam.

 

Nia Farrell

Nia Farrell is a founding member of Wicked Pens and an award-winning, multi-genre author who has published in romance, erotic romance, nonfiction, poetry, music, and children’s books. A seventh-generation Illinoisan, she’s an old soul and a period reenactor who’s been into corsets for centuries, although she wears them more to Civil War events these days.

In her book Something More (The Three Graces Book 3), BDSM and submission are tools for healing post-rape PTSD. Something More was a finalist for Best BDSM Book of the Year, Ménage Category, in the 2016 Golden Flogger Awards. Most of her characters use the dynamics of BDSM relationships to define and enhance their relationships.

Her debut books from The Three Graces Series (Something Else, Something Different, and Something More) are kinky with a paranormal twist. Soulmates, reincarnation, karmic fallout, shamanism, and psychic abilities come into play.

Nia was fortunate enough to meet her soulmate early on. She married her high school sweetheart, raised two children, and began writing at her husband’s suggestion. She has been published in erotic romance since 2015.

Nia Farrell’s webpage http://niafarrell.wordpress.com

Nia Farrell’s Amazon author page http://viewauthor.at/NiaFarrell

Nia Farrell newsletter http://bit.ly/NiaErinnReeNews

Nia Farrell’s Facebook author page http://bit.ly/NiaFarrellFB

Twitter https://twitter.com/AuthrNiaFarrell  

 

How much of your work is based on real life experiences and how much is from your imagination?

Much of my writing is drawn from real-life experiences. I have many friends in the lifestyle and I do exhaustive research so that my stories ring true. While I have a very fertile imagination, I owe it to readers to present honest portrayals, even in works of fiction. Creativity comes into play with characterization, settings, and finding ways to keep things fresh when you write dozens and dozens of sex scenes. The healing power of BDSM is apparent in storytelling. Replay Book 3: Honour Bound has a heroine with post-rape PTSD. Sadly, her fictional experience is based on the actual experience of a friend. Something More (The Three Graces Book 3, scheduled for re-issue July 2018) was a Golden Flogger Finalist. The heroine has post-rape PTSD (like many of my male and female friends) and an autistic daughter (I have two autistic nephews). BDSM is the tool that helps Rachel learn to trust again.

How do you think BDSM is misrepresented in erotica?

It’s all too common for authors to write an Alpha male as a Dominant and call it BDSM. When the submissive’s needs are secondary, that’s not BDSM. Most of my books are what I call BDSM 101, written to introduce readers to the lifestyle. While a few of my stories have more advanced practices like needle play and blood play, I typically leave that to other authors.

How has writing BDSM erotica helped you and other people?

No matter what subjects I tackle in a book, it’s crucial to me, as a writer, to expand the reader’s horizons. I want to increase awareness and encourage the acceptance that comes with a deeper understanding. Readers are drawn to my books for several reasons, but what I want them to experience is the arc in the characters’ growth. Most of my characters use the dynamics of BDSM relationships to define and enhance their relationships. Ultimately, my books are about the healing power of love.

What are some of the worst names for sex organs that you have seen used by authors?

One pet peeve we hear from readers is the word “moist” when referring to female genitalia. Cake is moist. Pussies are wet.

And now for my answers…

Nicholas Tanek

 

How much of your work is based on real life experiences and how much is from your imagination?

 All my books are true stories. Sometimes, I change some of the names and label them fiction for legal reasons. Still, anyone who knows me, knows that my books are true. The people who I write about sometimes love it and others get mad at me. For example, my ex-wife was not happy about my first book.

 One of the main things I am proud of is that when it comes to kink and BDSM, I am honest about everything. The Coolest Way to Kill Yourself was very much like a confession. I admitted that Lynn would sometimes lock my cock up in a chastity device, put me in a French maid outfit, and peg me. Yes, that happened… several times. Your Kinky Friends (the book) is a tribute to the kink community. When Lynn died, I was devastated. Several of my friends and I found a sense of healing from kink. Although the book is very emotional, it has true kinky experiences. I also like to think that it could help someone navigate through the kink scene as it represents the true kink community. I do not consider my work BDSM Erotica. I consider them memoirs or tributes to real people who I love.

How do you think BDSM is misrepresented in erotica?

Authors who write BDSM erotica have a responsibility to the kink community and to their readers. Even though it can be complete fantasy, some readers can get hurt trying to do some of the things they read about. I totally support indie authors and I love BDSM erotica, but there are so many authors out there that are putting out garbage and they cast a shadow on the talented authors. Do we really need another millionaire vampire biker Dom? Do we need another book cover that shows just some guy’s abs? The kink community has a ton of douchebag wannabe authors who claim to be Doms and they obviously do not know what they are writing about. It’s tired and annoying. They pander to inexperienced housewives. Even though 50 Shades of Grey has opened people’s minds to BDSM and kink, it is a poorly written fantasy and it does not represent the kink community. (The Story of O is a much better book about a D/s relationship.) 50 Shades of Grey inspired a wave of authors to try to replicate it because they thought it would make them money. I write for the love. I think, as authors, we should strive to be more creative and more unique. I wanted to represent the real kink community and how it can be healing so, I wrote Your Kinky Friends. If you want a true story about BDSM and the wonderful world of the kink community, please check it out. Please keep in mind that there are BDSM erotica authors out there who are doing it right and representing kink in an intelligent way. That’s one reason I wrote this article including these authors.

How has writing BDSM erotica helped you and other people?

Writing saved my life. If I didn’t write, I would probably be strung out on drugs doing crimes to feed my habit. After Lynn died, I did not turn to drugs or negative behavior. I chose creativity over negativity and decided to write.

I have received letters and emails from fans and I have made friends with people who tell me they have been inspired by my books to sexually express themselves. Ultimately, a major theme of my books is about being healed through sexual expression. Most importantly, I am very honest in my writing. Sometimes, the sex and kink scenes are awkward, but they are all real. I guess that sometimes connects with people. Many people would love to be kinky, but they keep their desires a secret. I have been told that my work makes secretly kinky people feel less alone. That means the world to me.

On top of that, I have friends who are deep in the BDSM/kink community and they told me that I represented the community in the proper way. Your Kinky Friends is in official BDSM libraries and is also sold in some dungeons. I’m very proud of that.

What are some of the worst names for sex organs that you have seen used by authors?

Molten member, turgid shaft, fiery furnace, pleasure pearl of passion, slit, honey coated turgid phallus, and velvet maw. The list goes on and on. Please… authors, when describing a vagina, please don’t use the word “moist.”

So, what have we learned from all of this?

When people freely express themselves in a safe and consensual way, they become happier people. I honestly feel that I am a better person because I feel free to sexually express myself through kink.

The key is that erotica writers who write about BDSM have a responsibility to the kink community. If we write about BDSM, we represent the kink community. That’s why we need intelligent and well-written erotica. That’s why we need authors like the ones mentioned in this article.

So, if you are interested in BDSM and like to read erotica, remember that smart is sexy. Seek out some intelligent and authentic BDSM erotica. I like my erotica like I like my porn: well-written, kinky, and made with honesty and passion. Our kinky author friends do just that.

 

 

Join the Your Kinky Friends chat on Discord: https://discord.gg/uUwzVVa

Follow Nicholas Tanek on Twitter: https://twitter.com/NicholasTanek

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nicholas.tanek?ref=bookmarks

Your Kinky Friends: https://www.amazon.com/Your-Kinky-Friends-Nicholas-Tanek-ebook/dp/B06XRYCH7N/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1507339445&sr=8-1&keywords=Your+kinky+Friends

 

 

 

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