A Kinky Start – Our Friends Discuss Their First Real Kink Experience by Nicholas Tanek

Everything has a beginning. There are various ways to initiate a kinky/BDSM lifestyle. It may start with playfully exploring kink and the offer of a little spank here or there. Perhaps, dabbling in light bondage awakens something inside of you. Or maybe, you slip on silk panties just to try them on for fun. But then one day the line between curiosity and desire is crossed, and you discover a driving need for more. BDSM becomes part of your life. So I asked a couple of my kinky friends about their first experiences of living out fantasies.

Here are their answers…

Luna Darke

Luna Darke is a submissive who has been a good friend of mine for years. She is featured in the book, Your Kinky Friends, and has done several podcasts and interviews with me. She loves astrology and is a delightful person.

 

 

As an adult, what was your first experience where you thought to yourself, “Okay, I always thought of doing that and now I’m doing it!”? What was the kink? How was it initiated and what happened? Did the experience live up to the fantasy?

When I first started exploring kink, I was involved with a Brit. I was visiting him across the pond and we decided to explore the bondage aspect. He tied my hands very loosely behind me, so I could break free at any time. He whispered naughty things in my ear while he played with me. It was intoxicatingly arousing; even though I knew I was able to get free, I didn’t want to. Of course, the first time I try something there’s always trepidation, however, I trusted him.

Tell us about the first time you were “out” and with kinky people in a social setting?

My first visit to a kink club, again, trepidation. This was my first experience doing anything kinky in front of others. It took a little time for me to warm up to it. My Dom was very patient, very reassuring. Once we got started, everything just sort of melted away and I forgot others were there. I’ve come to enjoy voyeurism, but like many aspects of kink, you must try it first. Once you do that and become comfortable with it, it’s just fun!

What advice would you give to someone who wants to openly explore kink but has never done it before?

My advice is always the same. Be safe and be knowledgeable. Anything worth doing requires learning. Often, the first step is the hardest, but once you put it out there that you want to explore kink, there’s an eagerness to jump right in! It’s a journey, not a race.

VIDEO INTERVIEW with Luna Darke

http://yourkinkyfriends.com/2018/04/17/video-chat-luna-darke-submissive-talks-with-nicholas-tanek/

 

YoungScratch

YoungScratch is a switch who loves power exchange.  He likes all types of BDSM. These days, he has become much more open to expressing himself in kink.

As an adult, what was your first experience where you thought to yourself, “Okay, I always thought of doing that and now I’m doing it!”? What was the kink? How was it initiated and what happened? Did the experience live up to the fantasy?

The first time I had that feeling was when I unwrapped my long-awaited chastity cage. I was playing with someone that I couldn’t play with very much in person. This was a good way to play at a distance. After a few days wearing it on and off to get used to it, I spent some more torturous longer periods in the cage. The longest time was 11 days and I am still hungry for more.

Tell us about the first time you were “out” and with kinky people in a social setting?

That would have been my first munch. I went with my girlfriend and play partner to The New Generation munch in our city. For all of us, it was our first time and we were very nervous. That nervousness fell away very quickly however, as we were in with a unanimously friendly group. It was one biting fanatic who really made us feel at ease. It was only a couple weeks later we went to our first play party.

What advice would you give to someone who wants to openly explore kink but has never done it before?

The first step is the hardest. It is so easy to put off before your first outing but after that the lovely people will motivate you to return. You have my personal assurance that you will have loads of fun.

Video Interview with YoungScratch

 

VIDEO CHAT: Young Scratch (Kinkster) w/ Nicholas Tanek

 

Mush Mush

MushMush is a wonderful young woman who likes to explore her kinky sexuality. One thing led to another and impact play became part of her repertoire. She likes giving and receiving pain. She also was essential in creating the website Your Kinky Friends.

 

As an adult, what was your first experience where you thought to yourself, “Okay, I always thought of doing that and now I’m doing it!”? What was the kink? How was it initiated and what happened? Did the experience live up to the fantasy?

 The first time I embraced kink was when I went to my first munch and play party last summer. I had known about munches for a while but never went. Once I finally did that, I went to a play party and everything just clicked. The party was sensory overload, but I had a blast. I’m still going to events now.

 Tell us about the first time you were “out” and with kinky people in a social setting?

 My first munch fits this technically, but I was a bit awkward at the time. A more fitting time would be going out together for the first time and realizing how much more sexual we are towards each other than vanilla folks.

 What advice would you give to someone who wants to openly explore kink but has never done it before?

 Be patient with yourself. Breaking into the community feels hard but once you start attending events and becoming a familiar face, it gets much easier. Be polite and don’t be pushy. Be kind. Know the rules. Expect to feel a bit out of place. Some people have known each other for a long time and you might feel like you must wiggle into a clique. Be patient.

 

 

Miss Melissa

Miss Melissa is my Domme and my editor. After her miserable marriage ended, she found me on Fetlife. I was mourning the loss of Lynn. Her contributions have been essential to my books. In the five years that we have explored Femdom together, her creative energy and general attitude towards life has changed in a positive way.

 As an adult, what was your first experience where you thought to yourself, Okay, I always thought of doing that and now I’m doing it!”? What was the kink? How was it initiated and what happened? Did the experience live up to the fantasy?

After I left my ex-husband, I joined the Literotica.com community and made some online friends. Long story short, a man contacted me after reading a fictional pegging story of mine, and we lived within an hour of each other. He had fantasized about pegging and forced fem for years without ever experimenting firsthand. I had a more recent interest in the same things but was just as eager to experiment “in real life.” I needed to know if I actually enjoyed doing the things that had me masturbating like crazy. When we met, we went into a department store and I chose a few pairs of panties for him, then I decided that I wanted to check into a motel for a couple of hours to play. He was trembling as I made him undress and put on a pair of women’s underwear, which made it remarkably easy for me to verbally degrade and tease him. I smiled the entire time. When I left, I felt giddy. I wanted more!

Tell us about the first time you were “out” and with kinky people in a social setting?

I found Nicholas on Fetlife, and my first time out among other kinksters was when we drove out to Long Island for a live podcast recording hosted by Rancor Studios. Off the Cuffs podcast interviewed several kinky folks, including Nicholas, who read an excerpt from Your Kinky Friends in front of a small audience in a sex dungeon. (If you’d like to hear the episode, which is GREAT, you can find it here.) There was a play party after the podcast, but we could not stay late that night. Still, it was fun to meet new, like-minded people in that kind of setting. 

 What advice would you give to someone who wants to openly explore kink but has never done it before?

 Kinky people these days are very lucky to have the internet. I repressed this side of myself for a long time, but what helped me open up was exploring kinky web communities. By chatting online and doing a LOT of reading, I learned SO much. I became comfortable talking openly about sex over the phone, without the pressure of being face-to-face, which helped build my confidence. This made it easy for me to transition to meeting other kinky people in real life. Fetlife is a great resource for kinky events and munches.

 

 Now for my answers:

Nicholas Tanek

 

As an adult, what was your first experience where you thought to yourself, “Okay, I always thought of doing that and now I’m doing it!”? What was the kink? How was it initiated and what happened? Did the experience live up to the fantasy?

I was always kind of kinky. Sometimes, I tied up my girlfriends, gagged them, and played some kind of Dom role. The person who really changed things for me was Lynn. I wrote about this incident in The Coolest Way to Kill Yourself. I was always fascinated with Femdom. Lynn and I shared and talked about the porn we liked. Since Lynn was in and out of the hospital, she stole hospital restraints. Something clicked between us… and it was more than just hospital restraints. She attached them to the legs of the couch. She stripped me naked, made me lie on the floor, and cuffed me to the couch. Then, she took a pair of black silk panties and put them on me. She straddled my face and made me lick her pussy while she teased me through the panties and sucked my cock. Ever since that day, I’ve been “out” as a kinky person. We explored Femdom, male chastity, forced cross-dressing, and male chastity. The experience not only lived up to the fantasies I had, but it gave birth to a whole lifestyle of new fantasies to live out.

 Tell us about the first time you were “out” and with kinky people in a social setting?

 I guess it would be my first munch. My friend who was supposed to meet me there and introduce me to people stood me up, so I went in alone. It was exhilarating, and I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I felt like I finally found “my people” who I can talk with about kink and fetishes. The power of sexual expression, even just in conversation, is powerful. Fast forward a couple of years and I am in BDSM dungeons, TES Fest, and doing kink podcasts. Fast forward a bit more and you are reading YOURKINKYFRIENDS.com.

 What advice would you give to someone who wants to openly explore kink but has never done it before?

Be respectful. My motto is, “Be cool. Be kind and keep an open mind.” Etiquette is very important in the kink community.

 

So…

What have we learned from all of this?

 

Taking the first step in experiencing your kink or fetishes is one of the most memorable and most important parts of living this lifestyle. I remember being “that guy” who kept his kinks and fetishes private. I was scared and miserable inside. Once I embraced it, I felt the most unique kind of freedom. My editor hates when I say this, but I felt “enlightened.” (Editor’s note: Only because he uses the same ten adjectives over and over.) Once I was not ashamed to express my kinks, I felt this beautiful sense of hope. For the first time in a very long time, I felt pride… even though some of my kinks were degradation and humiliation. My point is that my life changed for the better. I honestly feel that experiencing kink made me a kinder and more stable person.

So, for the people reading this who have not had the courage to experience kink in real life, but have that yearning and curiosity, I urge you to try to experience it. Of course, do it in a safe and consensual manner. There is a whole kink community out there for you. We’re here for you. I was always scared to admit that I like when a woman forces me to wear panties. It was the day I let my inhibitions go with someone I trusted that changed my life forever. So, my friend, it just takes that one moment. It takes that one first step.

 

Join the Your Kinky Friends chat on Discord: https://discord.gg/uUwzVVa

 

Follow Nicholas Tanek on Twitter: https://twitter.com/NicholasTanek

 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nicholas.tanek?ref=bookmarks

 

Buy the book, Your Kinky Friends: https://www.amazon.com/Your-Kinky-Friends-Nicholas-Tanek-ebook/dp/B06XRYCH7N/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1507339445&sr=8-1&keywords=Your+kinky+Friends

 

 

 

 

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