TICKLE FIGHT: A Real & Quirky Fetlife Conversation

by Nicholas Tanek

Yes… this actually happened.

This was a real Fetlife conversation. I know this was just someone being weird, but I just had to post this one. Since I am always promoting my books and Your Kinky Friends on Fetlife and Collarspace, I get into many weird conversations on http://fetlife.com. This one is exceptionally strange and funny.


 Note: QUIRK GIRL is not her real Fetlife name.

22F Brat
(in the UK)


NicholasTanek: Tickle fight?

QUIRK GIRL: Yeah! Tickle fight!

NicholasTanek: What about a tickle fight?

QUIRK GIRL: Let’s have a tickle fight!

NicholasTanek: You are in the UK and I am in America. How can we have a tickle fight over the internet?

QUIRK GIRL: Tickle fight!

NicholasTanek: Um…. okay.

(some time passes)


NicholasTanek: Hey?

QUIRK GIRL: Come on! Tickle fight!

NicholasTanek: I don’t know what the hell you are talking about.

QUIRK GIRL: Race war!

NicholasTanek: What? Race war!?!?

QUIRK GIRL: Yeah! Race war!

NicholasTanek: What the fuck is wrong with you?

(more time passes)


NicholasTanek: Don’t say it… please don’t say it.

QUIRK GIRL: Come on! Tickle fight!

NicholasTanek: Oh, no.

QUIRK GIRL: Gotta go… bye!

(some more time passes)

QUIRK GIRL: Hey! Tickle fight!

NicholasTanek: Oh, you’re back again?

QUIRK GIRL: Tickle Fight!

NicholasTanek: Yeah, yeah… I knew you were gonna say that. We cannot have a tickle fight over the internet.

QUIRK GIRL: You should grow a mustache.

NicholasTanek: I’m not growing a mustache.

QUIRK GIRL: If you were going to grow a mustache, would it be pencil thin or really bushy?

NicholasTanek: I’m not really a mustache kind of guy.

QUIRK GIRL: Would you have it curl up at the ends like a villain?

NicholasTanek: I’m not growing a mustache. If anything, some days, I don’t shave and just let it get scruffy.

QUIRK GIRL: Do you know what mustaches and beards do to women sometimes?

NicholasTanek: Let me guess… they tickle?

QUIRK GIRL: Tickle fight!

NicholasTanek: I saw that coming a mile away.

QUIRK GIRL: If you grew a mustache or a beard, you would win the tickle fight!

NicholasTanek: Okay.

QUIRK GIRL: Race war!

NicholasTanek: Race war!? You said that last time you contacted me. What’s wrong with you?

QUIRK GIRL: We’re gonna have a tickle fight. I will contact you. Grow a mustache. … bye bye!

(some time passes)


NicholasTanek: No… no. no. no.

QUIRK GIRL: Tickle fight!

NicholasTanek: I know you are trying to be funny and I love quirky people, but this always takes a weird turn. You start saying “Tickle Fight” over and over again. Then, you start using the phrase “race war” and it makes me want to block you.

QUIRK GIRL: Come on, tickle fight!

NicholasTanek: No.

QUIRK GIRL: I’m depressed. You won’t have a tickle fight with me.

NicholasTanek: Well, I’m sorry.

QUIRK GIRL: Please don’t make me sad. Let’s have a tickle fight.

NicholasTanek: Perhaps you should try talking with a professional if you are depressed. There is no shame in seeking therapy.

QUIRK GIRL: You should dye your hair green.

NicholasTanek: I’m not dying my hair green.

QUIRK GIRL: No! Blue! You should dye your hair blue.

NicholasTanek: Just because you dyed your hair some wild color that does not mean I should too.

QUIRK GIRL: I thought you were all punk rock.

NicholasTanek: I used to go to punk rock shows in 1989/1990. Now, it is 2016. Anyway, I like my hair the color it is.

QUIRK GIRL: Tickle, tickle, tickle.

NicholasTanek: Now, you are getting creepy.

QUIRK GIRL: Come on!

NicholasTanek: Come on, what?

QUIRK GIRL: Race war!

NicholasTanek: NO! No race war!

QUIRK GIRL: Yeah! Come on, race war!

NicholasTanek: When you say “Race war!” I think that you want to be involved in a war between the races. That’s not cool. Does it mean something else? Am I missing something here?

QUIRK GIRL: Come on! When are you gonna dye your hair?

NicholasTanek: Why don’t you dye YOUR hair?

QUIRK GIRL: I did dye my hair. I’m going to dye my hair again. I’ll see ya around!

(Some more time passes)

QUIRK GIRL: Hey! What’s up doodlebug?

NicholasTanek: Let me guess, you’re gonna say “Tickle Fight”

QUIRK GIRL: Yeah! Tickle Fight! Let’s have a tickle fight!

NicholasTanek: I don’t know what to do with you. For days, you have been messaging me to have a tickle fight. You are in the U.K. and I am in America. So, obviously, we cannot have a tickle fight unless that is code for something else. You keep on telling me to grow a mustache and dye my hair.

QUIRK GIRL: Yay! You’re growing a mustache and dying your hair? That’s great.

NicholasTanek: No, I’m not growing a mustache and dying my hair. You keep saying that. But, then things get weird when you say, “Race war!”

QUIRK GIRL: Yay! Race war!

NicholasTanek: What is up with you?

QUIRK GIRL: You really don’t know what I mean? Do you want to know?

NicholasTanek: At this point, I don’t even know if I want to know.

QUIRK GIRL: Race war… check out this video and it will explain it to you.

NicholasTanek: Oh, it’s a comedy sketch from WKUK. Now, I remember that sketch.

QUIRK GIRL: Yes, It is a comedy sketch where a guy goes up to his friend and just starts yelling “Race war!”. His friend is all confused. It’s funny. I see you post about comedy sketches and stand up all the time in groups. I thought that you would know the sketch. And, if you didn’t remember it, I thought it would amuse me to confuse you with it.

NicholasTanek: Huh, okay.

QUIRK GIRL: In real life, I do not want a race war. I’m not racist. I think that the Race War comedy sketch by WKUK (The Whitest Kids U Know) is absurd and silly satire that could actually be a statement by the racial problems in the United States. People are so quick to fight and use racism as a motive. Like the film Dr. Strangelove, the sketch also takes a problem that is going on in the world and shows how absurd it is.

NicholasTanek: Okay, you have a point.

QUIRK GIRL: I think absurd humor is a very interesting way to bring social issues into a conversation while making people laugh. Ultimately, it is kind of healing.

NicholasTanek: So, you are not a crazy idiot.

QUIRK GIRL: Far from it. I am going to get a Masters degree from ____________. See… our conversation is a perfect example of how people should not be quick to judge other people just from the first couple of messages.

NicholasTanek: Good point.

QUIRK GIRL: I’m a huge fan of absurd humor. I love Tim & Eric Awesome Show Great Job!, Mitch Hedberg, The Kids In The Hall, and Mr. Show.

NicholasTanek: I love those.

QUIRK GIRL: And even if you did post our conversations on the internet, that’s cool with me. I’m glad our conversations made some people laugh. I know you post in the Return to Sender group on Fetlife.

NicholasTanek: Touche’

QUIRK GIRL: Yes. I won this tickle fight.

NicholasTanek: You sure did.

QUIRK GIRL: Next time we meet, we are going to have a tickle fight for real.

NicholasTanek: Next time? We never met in person the first time!

QUIRK GIRL: Well, if you are ever in the U.K., make sure you have a mustache and make sure your hair is dyed blue. See ya later, masturbator! Tickle fight!

Join the Your Kinky Friends chat on Discord: https://discord.gg/uUwzVVa

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