It is not uncommon for people coming into BDSM to use caricatures as a model on how to act until they figure themselves out. These caricatures are sometimes based on our limited books/movies and extensive porn. Other times they are based on a preconceived notion of how someone with “that identity” would act. In the beginning of finding your identity having a caricature can be empowering. It can give you an idea into who you want to be. I remember my caricature as a new Dominant. The caricature I assumed was quiet, calm, and hyper vigilant. It took so much energy that I couldn’t sustain it outside of the public BDSM space, but that is when I felt I needed it.
Anticipatory Service by Master Bear
As far as I am concerned, anticipatory service is the highest level of service achievable. It makes my life easier and speaks directly to my sense of Mastery. This type of service is given before asked and many times before I know what I need or want. For others anticipatory service is considered disobedience. Those Masters believe that if they did not request something then the slave should not assume it. In the assumption, the slaves think for themselves and this is not allowed.
There are many things that separate Masters from each other and philosophies on punishment is one of the biggest. The social expectation is that Masters are emotionally removed and deliver harsh physical punishment at the drop of the hat. The worse the punishment the more “Masterly” the Master is considered. On the other side a slave that receives this type of punishment is supposed to glow and excel in its presence.
I suppose that works for some people. It however, does not work for me.
Over the last 17 years, I have developed a few rules about punishment:
- It cannot take any of my time, effort, or energy.
- It must redirect teach, explain, reinforce, and ultimately create a behavioral change.
- It cannot make me feel icky.
Let us look at each one.
Living M/s 24/7 by Master Bear
The Rule of Three: Part Two
Starting with the Rule of Three is an easy way to begin putting your household together as a Master. However, it is only the beginning. Each component that you pick for your “Rule of Three” has four pieces to it that fine-tune what it is that you are looking for.
I know that this is a lot of thinking, processing, talking, and experimenting. It is NOT at ALL like the porn or the hot books that you have read. However, what this does is set both you and your slave up for long-term success. Anything can be done for a short period when you are both hot and bothered. However, what is attainable for the next 7 months? Next eight years? How you emotionally communicate will determine how successful your relationship is. In addition, these four legs of each requirement will help you have those conversations about expectations, wants, and needs.
The Rule of Three – Part One
The biggest mistake that I see most new Masters make is having an extensive list of things that they want their slave to do. New Masters often times put unnecessary pressure on themselves by expecting everything all at once. Having a huge list in the beginning creates a couple of different issues.
First off, understand that if you as a Master cannot remember all of the things that you are requesting of your slave then why should your slave remember? Secondly, this creates an unrealistic expectation on both you as well as your slave as to what can be realistically achieved in the early days of your dynamic. Slaves want to excel, they want to give, and they want to be the best they can for the Masters that they love. So set them and you up for success.
Master Bear and slave eve are a dynamic BDSM couple who live the Master/slave dynamic. They are very active in the kink community.